58.4 F
Davis

Davis, California

Tuesday, December 23, 2025
Home Blog Page 1569

College students rack up more credit

0

A recent report found more college students are using credit cards today than in 2004.

Eighty-four percent of undergraduate college students have at least one credit card, up from 76 percent in 2004, according to a report released this month by Sallie Mae.

One of the nation’s biggest student loan providers, Sallie Mae last conducted a similar survey on credit usage in 2004. Nine out of 10 students are using credit cards for educational expenses such as tuition and textbooks, and are charging double as much on their cards as in 2004.

The report was based on a random sample of 1,200 undergraduate alternative loan applicants taken in March 2008.

Patricia Nash Christel, a Sallie Mae spokesperson, said these increasing numbers are a worry for studentsfinancial futures.

“Too many students are at risk of overpaying for college by pulling out credit cards to pay for textbooks or even part of their tuition bill, instead of using less expensive financial aid to cover these items,Christel said in an e-mail interview.Students and families need to build a comprehensive budget ahead of time to cover not only tuition, but also other necessities like supplies and travel costs that contribute to the overall cost of college.

A survey of the studentscredit histories found that only 17 percent of students regularly pay their monthly bill while 82 percent of respondents said they carry a balance and pay monthly fines.

“It’s not surprising, but it is unsettling that in this economy more college students are using credit cards more than ever before,Christel said.The top three reasons students gave for why they used credit cards to pay for education expenses were that they didn’t have enough savings or aid, cards were convenient and they underestimated the total cost of college.

Students may be relying more and more on credit, but they may not know the implications of using credit cards. UC Davisfinancial aid department has an entire section of its website devoted to money management. The financial aid office has also partnered with cashcourse.org, a website managed by the National Endowment for Financial Education that aims to help students with budget, credit, debt and other financial concerns.

UC Davis senior civil engineering major Daniel Rodriguez said he uses his one credit card often, but would consider having another if he had a job to make sure he had money to pay his bill.

“For the most part I am up in the air about [managing my credit card],Rodriguez said.If there were resources [about credit cards] I would want to see what strategies to use.

Jana Sanders Perry, a representative from River City Bank, which has one branch in Davis and two in Woodland, said the bank doesn’t issue many credit cards to students, but is always willing to discuss money management issues.

“We have more personal involvement since we are a community bank,Perry said.Students can always come in and discuss [financial issues].

As the Sallie Mae credit survey shows, students may need to start discussing credit, overspending, budgeting – especially when 39 percent of students come onto campus freshman year with a credit card already in hand. Christel advises using the1-2-3 approachwhen it comes to paying for college.

“First, look for financial aid that does not have to be repaid, like scholarships and grants. Second, explore low-cost federal student loans. Third, fill any gap with private education loans,she said.

 

SASHA LEKACH can be reached at city@theaggie.org.

Let it snow

0

Despite the 85-degree heat, Picnic Day goers could still hit the slopes on Hutchison Field.

The Alpine Ski and Snowboard club brought approximately 10 tons of snow in from Lake Tahoe to create a 100-foot long, snow covered slope for sledding.

Participants slid down the slope on plastic sleds for free, although the club was accepting donations to support the cost of running it.

“There have been mostly kids on the slope today, maybe 10 or so students,said Alan Wong, volunteer for the slope, sports club member and junior economics and communication major.Only one or two of the kids cried!”

By 2 p.m., the slope had hosted over 300 sledders, Wong said. Though many predicted the snowy mass would have melted by that time, it was intact with only a slight amount of mud surrounding it.

“I’m really glad they made this,Wong said.Especially since it’s such a hot day. People are really enjoying themselves and I think it was a good idea.

Lauren Steussy

Senate Briefs

0

ASUCD Senate meetings are scheduled to begin Thursdays at 6:10 p.m. Times listed are according to the clock at the Apr. 16 meeting location, the Memorial Union’s Mee Room.

 

Meeting was called to order at 6:11 p.m.

Joe Chatham, ASUCD president, left early at 6:25 p.m.

Chris Dietrich, ASUCD vice president, present

Joemar Clemente, ASUCD senator, present

Danny Garrett, ASUCD senator, present

Justin Gold, ASUCD senator, present

Erin Lebe, ASUCD senator, present

Kevin Massoudi, ASUCD senator, present

Justin Patrizio, ASUCD senator, present

Laura Pulido, ASUCD senator, present

Shawdee Rouhafza, ASUCD senator, present

Trevor Taylor, ASUCD senator, present

Mo Torres, ASUCD senator, present

Previn Witana, ASUCD senator, present

Jack Zwald, ASUCD president pro-tempore, present

 

Presentations

President Chatham spoke about having ASUCD units work together to advertise.

 

Appointments and confirmations

Jeysree Ramachandran, junior political science major, and Chin Fung Kelvi Kan, senior biochemistry and molecular biology major, were both appointed into the Internal Affairs Commission.

 

Court Announcements

Chief Justice Melissa Whitney updated the senate on court cases, and spoke of the pre-hearing conference for ASUCD Court Case 46. On Apr. 27 the pre-hearing conference will continue in the Fielder Room of the MU. Only five justices will be present at the hearing since one justice did not make the first pre-hearing. She also presented the court’s seal, made by Greg Dizon.

 

Consideration of Old Legislation

Senate Bill 39 authored by Eli Yani, co-authored by Joey Chen and introduced by Zwald, to clarify the responsibility for the authorship of the Student Government Budget as the position of Student Government Advisor was eliminated, passed unanimously.

 

Senate Resolution 24 authored and introduced by Torres, co-authored by Johnathen Duran, Pulido and Amanpreet Singh, to urge the passage of the Development, Relief and Education for Alien Minors (DREAM) Act, passed unanimously with some amendments.

 

Senate Bill 40 authored and introduced by the Internal Affairs Commission (Matt Shannon) to clarify the commission hiring procedure within the ASUCD Bylaws, passed unanimously.

 

Public Discussion

Environmental Policy and Planning Commission chair Singh, announced that Earth Week will start this week. She said that only five designers have contributed and that she will cancel the Trashin Show (Thursday noon to 1 p.m. on the Quad) if more people don’t contribute. Prizes will be awarded.

 

Joey Chen, who works with the executive office, spoke about outreach to students who aren’t involved with ASUCD. He encouraged everyone to join the executive office Facebook group.

 

Dietrich made a note about parliamentary procedure, to not call people out and to not talk directly to people at the senate table because it can be perceived as a personal attack. He said that no violations were yet made, though there have been some that have gotten close.

 

Lebe spoke about fundraisers for Safeboats on Apr. 29 at Yogurt Shack and May 12 at Habit Burger.

 

Patrizio announced this month is Lobby Month. Lobby Corps meetings will be held every week on Wednesdays at 7 p.m. in the Angelina Malfitano room.

 

Marcus Tang, chair for Academic Affairs Commission, announced that the Last Lecture series will be held Wednesday at Griffin Lounge.

 

Clemente announced that Asian Pacific Cultural Week will kickoff at 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. at the MU patio today.

 

Sean Stampfli, chair of Business and Finance Commission, announced that Sigma Alpha Epsilon and Students Against Sexual Assault will hold its annualAiring out DavisDirty Laundryon Wednesday from 5 to 8 p.m. at 521 Russell Blvd.

 

Taylor Fleshman, Outreach Assembly speaker, announced the Leadership Fair on May 27 at 7 p.m. in Griffin Lounge. She also announced the Queer Leadership Summit on May 20 at 6 p.m. in the Garrison Room.

 

Other business

Massoudi brought up the idea to suspend the bylaws for no electronics at the senate table, with the possibility to remove paper agenda from the senate table. Members of the senate table discussed this option though the motion was removed. Eli Yani suggested using a projector system to show the agenda and bills. Lebe said that the members of the public deserve the senate’s undivided attention.

 

Meeting adjourned at 10:19 p.m.

 

ANGELA RUGGIERO compiles the Senate Briefs. She can be reached at campus@theaggie.org.

Group increases tax on ASUCD credit card purchases

0

 

Some ASUCD members are not happy with the five cent tax increase to all ASUCD commercial unitscredit card transactions, excluding Sodexho.

The fee would charge every ASUCD commercial unit an extra 4.56 cents for all plastic credit card transactions, including the ASUCD Coffee House, the UC Davis Bookstore, Campus Copies and the Aggie Student Store.

The Sodexho Company, which is in charge of places like the Dining Commons and the Silo, is exempt from the fee because it is not one of the 170 UC Davis merchants.

The charge is being implemented by the University Rate groupresponsible for review of all proposed rates applicable to all campus departmentswithout student consent or representation.

“This is without a doubt, flat-out, taxation without representation,said Jack Zwald, ASUCD senator.That’s entirely un-American. And Sodexho, a private corporation, is entirely exempt which puts student jobs and the student industry at a great disadvantage when you compare it to a private company that doesn’t have to pay this tax.

Zwald presented Senate Resolution 25 to the senate at the meeting on Apr. 16. The resolution, which opposes thedisproportionate burden placed on ASUCD commercial units by the University Rate group,passed unanimously.

ASUCD Business Manager Mark Champagne was informed of the increase through e-mail after the group had already voted on approving the rate.

“It impacts ASUCD disproportionately hard,Champagne said.One, because it does so many little transactions and two because Sodexho doesn’t have to pay it.

Champagne gave the example that if someone were to purchase $400 worth of books on a credit card, the charge to the Bookstore would be 4.56 cents. The same charge however, would be given to the Coho when a student uses their credit card to purchase a cup of coffee for $1.40. That transaction of $1.40 would cost the Coho 4.56 cents, which can add up.

Champagne, along with director of the Coffee House Sharon Coulson, estimated that this increase would cost the Coho about $30,000 extra in fees, making it the largest amount of any campus unit.

Michael Allred, associate vice chancellor of finance and controller and member of the University Rate Group, calculated the fee’s impact differently.

“While credit card transactions are often a convenient form of payment, operating as a credit card merchant brings with it significant responsibilities,said Allred in an e-mail interview.The cost of meeting some of those responsibilities is being charged to the merchant departments through the credit card rate.

The cost of supporting the credit card system is subsidized in part by Accounting and Financial Services and the central campus. The remainder falls to the merchants themselves, Allred said.

“While ASUCD does represent a large portion of the merchant base at 30 percent, the projected cost for ASUCD equates to $17,410,he said.

Allred said that Accounting and Financial Services are open for student input.

“[We] would not be opposed to this suggestion and would welcome student feedback,he said.Additionally, the group is already comprised of all, or nearly all, campus department representatives.

Allred said the reasons for this rate increase are to provide security.

The rate has been in effect since Jan. 1 and the University Rate Group approved it on Jan. 23, though Zwald didn’t learn of it until roughly two weeks ago.

“They’re raising our prices and our taxes while at the same time letting other people skate,Zwald said.What we would prefer to see is a system based on a more progressive rate system, where we made say $3 million, and [the Bookstore] made $19 million, then we split it based on income not based on transactions.

 

ANGELA RUGGIERO can be reached at campus@theaggie.org.

 

Chemistry Magic Show

0

Live from the Chemistry Building at UC Davis,chemagicianswowed the audience with their bag of tricks this Picnic Day.

UC Davis students enthralled the audience with the power of chemistry via shows likeBrian and Eric’s Shopping Experience– mimicking popular television networks such as the Discovery Channel and the Food Network.

This 30-minute show proved that science can be reallycoolby demonstrating various chemical reactions. Did you know that bubbles are a fire hazard? Yes, bubbles.

From snowball fires to flour fires to making coke and beer to exploding bottle rockets to dry ice tricksthe audience loved it all.

Ten-year-old Daniel Ellingson, from Sacramento, said the hydrogen explosions were his favorite part.

“I was thinking it was pretty cool,he said.Especially the explosions … really cool bombings!”

Such a popular show, the hour-long lines didn’t deter picnic-goers from waiting in the sun for the Chemistry Magic Show.

 

Text by POOJA DEOPURA

Battle of the Bands Clash of Rivals

0

Battle lines were drawn on Saturday as the annual UC Davis Picnic Day Battle of the Bands contest went into full swing.

The tradition has been in place since the early 1970s, with The California Aggie Marching Band-uh! claiming victory or a peaceful draw every time.

This year the battle raged from 2 to 10 p.m. at Lake Spafford, with rival schools including Humboldt State, UC San Diego, UC Berkeley and Stanford University playing a myriad of tunes against the Band-uh! in an attempt to out play them.

“It is fun to see different bands playing,said Lizabeth Diaz, a first-year member of Band-uh!. “You appreciate everything because it is a really cool performance.

Schools play around 10 songs each, with some songs lasting 45 minutes alone. Near the end, bands finish off with their respective fight songs. Afterwards the Aggies go off to enjoy their Battle of the Bands party.

Not all years have left the bands finishing on time at 10 p.m.; in the past the battle sometimes continued beyond the deadline when bands stubbornly fight on for the victory.

“We practice a lot for three weeks straight for Picnic Day, and that practice pays off,Diaz said.

 

Text by CORY BULLIS

1,000 Wells holds demonstration for awareness of water related disease

0

In order to spread awareness of the fact that every 15 seconds someone in an underdeveloped country dies for lack of access to clean water, the 1,000 Wells Project at UC Davis held their firstdie in Apr. 16 on the Quad.

Members of the project grouped in the dining area outside the Memorial Union in silence, and every 15 seconds for over an hour in cycles of 10 minutes, a person would put a black shirt on, sit down on the ground, and hang a cardboard sign around their neck readingI am a child in Sub Saharan Africa, I died because I didn’t have access to clean water.

“Every year [1000 Wells] develops in a new way; what was initially just a couple of students five years ago has grown into a full blown program. I really like this event as a way to give visual aids to these statistics,said Tyson Babayco, UC Davis graduate and founder of the Davis chapter, who participated in the event.

In five years, the project has raised approximately $55,000, and is directly responsible for the funding that built two wells in Uganda last year, currently supplying an estimated 8,800 people with clean water.

“It’s difficult right now to separate AIDS from the problem of unclean water,said Jane Marie Ford, senior community and regional development major and head coordinator of the group at Davis.

Due to the prevalence of AIDS and the compromised immune systems that are an effect of the disease, Africans who drink unclean water are at risk for cholera, guinea worm and trachoma.

“Guinea worm disease is a debilitating and painful infection…. [A] worm penetrates the stomach, makes its way to the skin and after growing to a length of three feet, emerges from the body through a painful blister,according to the 1000 Wells Project website.

1.1 million people die yearly because of water related disease, according to the Davis 1,000 Wells website.

This was one of several spring activities that the 1,000 Wells Project is part of. This week marks the start of their Two Weeks of Sacrifice annual fundraiser. Members ask that contributors drink only water for two weeks, and on May 1 donate the money they would have spent on other drinks.

“I thought the demonstration was really effectivesaid Catrina Hayes, a junior Spanish and economics major.I saw one lady give a moan when she read the statistics; I didn’t see too many shocked faces but people looked very solemn in general.

 

CHARLES HINRIKSSON can be reached at campus@theaggie.org. 

The thing that should not be

0

In 2008, Clinton P. Murray made $231,687. He is a California prison guard.

Hold that thought.

A long time ago, when I was a junior in high school running around campus before class defacing the pro-war posters put up by student government by writing rebuttals in sharpie across the propaganda, I had more than a war to be pissed off about. I’d just heard that prison guards in California made more money than K-12 teachers, and I was shocked. I was shocked because back then I hadn’t yet lost my faith in humanity.

Like I said, that was a long time ago.

With the state boasting a highly impressive net worth of negative $42 billion for the next 18 months, I wondered, given how broke we are, if things still stood as bassackwardsly as they used to.

To answer the question, I did some research, came to some conclusions and will now voice those conclusions loudly in public. But since I don’t have an amateur film crew around, I’ll instead use this column, which will no doubt be lost in some archive somewhere sometime soon.

Diving right in, Adult Correction and Rehabilitation Operations (i.e. the prison system) was allotted $5.3 billion of the $9.8 billion annual budget of the California Department of Corrections in 2008. Another $1.8 billion went to Correctional Health Care Services, but I won’t count that in my analysis because it’s not itemized specifically for prisons; though I have a sneaking suspicion that it’s pretty much all being spent behind bars giving inmates totally baller grills and repairing shanked kidneys.

Anyhow, all of those 5.3 billion dollars were allocated for 34,700 prison guards and 155,000 inmates in 2008. On the other hand, the school system got $66 billion for 310,000 teachers and over 6.3 million students. Those numbers should give you pause. What they mean is that there are only 4.5 prisoners per guard but over 20 students per teacher, and that each year we spend $35,500 per inmate but just $10,500 per pupil.

Keep holding that thought.

Next come the qualifications for each job. To be a prison guard, you need only be a U.S. citizen over 21 who has a GED. You then go through just four months training, for which you are paid $12,200. After that, you get paid an extra $1,560 per year for not failing the physical fitness test. The starting salary for a prison guard in the state of California is $42,400. Oh, and until 2005 guards got on the job training credits for doing crosswords. Seriously.

To be a teacher, you need to complete at least a bachelors, earn a credential and meet a bunch of bullshit No Child Left Behind qualifications far too complex for me to delve into here and which the Obama administration is keen on adding even more bullshit to. It takes four to six years, costs an average of $70,000 and is paid out of your own pocket. There is no bonus for not being fat. The starting salary for teachers in California varies by district, but it took the state legislature to mandate a minimum of $34,000 before there was ever a lower bound.

Your thought. Hold it.

Guards also take home bonuses for working inless desirableprisons ($2,400), being bilingual ($1,200) and having an associates degree or completing 60 units of college credit ($1,620). And let’s not forget the overtime.

Yes, the overtime. In addition to those other bonuses, the average guard in 2006 (most recent data) took home $9,000 in overtime pay. All told, the average yearly pay is $72,000 not counting benefits, and 8 percent of the guards make over $100,000 every 12 months.

Now, I know a lot of teachers. None of them makes more than $80,000 a year. The ones that make near that much have been teaching since the70s and have either a masters or a bachelors with 75 units on top of it. There is no overtime. Bonuses are rare. The average pay is $58,000.

OK. Release that thought.

Good. Now apologize to everyone around you for violating their virgin ears, and keep reading.

After thinking long and hard, here’s my solution: officially recategorize all California public schools as state prisons, students as inmates, teachers as guards.

Problem solved, everyone wins.

For their part, teachers would get a higher starting pay; they would get bonuses for teaching in shitty schools; they would earn overtime for helping kids after school, preparing lesson plans, grading papers and chaperoning dances, fieldtrips and sporting events; they wouldn’t have to pay out of pocket for supplies, books and tools; they would have amazing student-to-teacher ratios; and they would finally, finally, finally be able to mace a kid in the face for being a disrespectful, disobedient twit.

Prisoners, whose average age is 37 yet have an average reading level of seventh grade, might actually get corrected and rehabilitated. Either that or just keep getting maced in the face.

Students would benefit huge, too. They’d get over three times as much money spent on them as before, which would mean more face time with teachers, more technology in the classroom, more equipment, more fieldtrips, more nurses, more advisors and more counselors. They would get at least two, maybe even three meals a day and they would slash childhood obesity rates thanks to the daily yard time.

Every school would have its own doctor, its own psychiatrist, its own dentist, its own fucking barber. The learning environment would finally be structured again, kids would be supervised until their parents picked them up after work and I can’t really think of a better way to keep teens from ditching class; if you played hooky you’d be breaking out of jail and would be summarily hunted down and maced in the face.

Also, lets be real: the school to prison switch would probably be a relief for most. The schools, and the bathrooms especially, would be better kept, the food would suck less, there wouldn’t be as many lame spirit rallies, and since campuses would be closed, there would no longer be that bum masturbating in the locker room.

And with all the armed guards, metal detectors,English language learners, dress codes and face macings in our schools these days, the switch would probably go unnoticed to about half the state.

This is especially true for our governor, who, after all, pioneered the concept; Kindergarten Cop, it turns out, was more than just a movie.

 

K.C. CODY has never been maced in the face. Mace him in the face electronically at kccody@ucdavis.edu.

All AG-Cess

0

Finding ways to win games when they matter most. Battling it out for tournament seeding. Making come-from-behind victories a part of the regular routine.

Nothing beats watching your team gear up for postseason play.

Unless, of course, six of your clubs are preparing for it all at once.

Five UC Davis teamsyes, fivewill be gunning for Big West Conference titles within the next two weeks. Anotherwomen’s lacrossewill be looking for a Mountain Pacific Sports Federation championship.

The men’s and women’s tennis teams get their tournaments started today. The men’s golf team then gets its championship under way on Monday. The women’s water polo, golf and lacrosse teams, meanwhile, begin playoff action next weekend.

Three of these Aggie squads will enter postseason play as legitimate title contenders: men’s golf, women’s water polo and women’s golf.

 

Men’s golf

The men’s golf team enters Big West postseason play as the tournament favorite, having been ranked among the nation’s best for the entirety of its spring season. The team currently checks in at No. 33a full 19 spots ahead of UC Irvine, the Big West’s second-ranked team.

The Aggies are led by their three-headed scoring monster of sophomore Austin Graham and seniors Ramie Sprinkling and Nate Pistacchio. For more on these three and the rest of the UC Davis men’s golf lineup, see Monday’s Aggie.

 

Women’s water polo

The Aggies are expected to enter their Big West Championship as the tournament’s No. 2 seed. UC Davis is ranked No. 10 in the country, placing it a shade behind No. 9 UC Irvine.

The Anteaters won a pair of closely contested games with the Aggies during the regular season. If the bracket spells a rematch between these two squads, expect another nail-biterthis time with the tournament title on the line.

 

Women’s golf

The Big West knows the Aggies are coming to play. After finishing second at conference last season, UC Davis enters this year’s tournament ranked No. 55 in the country, placing it just seven slots behind league No. 2 Long Beach State.

No. 28 UC Irvine enters as the favorite. With the way sophomores Chelsea Stelzmiller and Alice Kim have been playing for the Aggies, though, the Anteaters will certainly be looking over their shoulders come tournament time.

Have a question you’d like answered in next week’s All AG-Cess? ADAM LOBERSTEIN can be reached at sports@theaggie.org.

And then there were two

0

Super Senior,

 

I’ve been dating my girlfriend for about nine months and it’s come to my attention that her parents don’t like me. At all. And they show no signs of warming up to the idea of me dating their daughter. I think it’s got something to do with my political and religious views, so you seem the right guy to ask; should I even bother worrying about this and what, if anything, can be done to ease the tension?

 

From the House of Montague

 

Ah, yes, the oldwhat are your intentions with my daughter bit. That’s nothing new. Only in this case it’s couched in terms of the human condition and absolute truth. And where you meant to or not, you correctly alluded to the fact that not only have I been there, but I am there, and am probably gonna be there for a while.

We males would like to think this is all part of some kind of choreographed game of checkers. First the parents frighten us and act protective to show that they’re only in the mood to tolerate serious suitors. Then we stick around to show that we’re in it to win it, not just to pin it. This dance earns trust, which can be stored for future violation by either party.

Anyway, implicit in this scenario is the fact that every single father remembers what he was like when he was between the ages of, oh, 12 and “whenever I met your mother;” and he doesn’t want that dating his daughter. He sees through yourgenuine affectionandhonesty and knows you for the hornball that you truly are. Funny part is that holding down a job requires you to lie outright for eight to 10 hours a day, so if you can keep up the gentlemanly facade well enough, your girlfriends dad can at least find comfort in the fact that you’ll be a good provider.

But that only goes so far. In your situation, the shit’s chess, it ain’t checkers. When genuine philosophical disagreements about society, human nature and divinity show themselves, you can’t lie or fake your way out of the situation; only time will lead to tolerance.

The disconnect arises from the world of ideas; they have an idea of who their daughter is and a separate idea of who their daughter should fall in love with. Problem is, both ideas are usually wrong. So it’s not that her parents don’t like you, the charming, intelligent, disease-free young man their daughter loves; it’s that her parents don’t like the idea of you, the naive, corrupting, amoral fiend who, if he prays at all, doesn’t pray to their god.

Put yourself in their shoes; they spent 18 years pouring themselves into raising a successful young woman who shares their world view and suddenly she turns her back on her upbringing so she canget to know you better. I for one would be pretty freaked out (and the response is indeed fear) if my daughter came home with an evangelical Christian who wanted Reagan on the dime.

That said, almost all parents are able to put their concerns aside, however gradually, as the idea of you as a corrupting agent is replaced by the realization that their daughter is happy.

And that’s the key. If you can make her happy, no matter what you believe or how you choose to make a living, they’ll eventually come around. They might not start liking you, but they’ll start tolerating you (which is better sometimes).

If they don’t, screwem. It’s the girl you love, and if they can’t deal with it there’s only one option: mutual suicide.

 

Super Senior,

 

I’m starting to apply for summer internships; what should I do to make my Facebook morework-friendly“? Or is that even necessary?

 

Paranoid (or just stoned?)

 

Let me first say to any employer reading this: You know damn well that some of the best people working for you, and perhaps even you yourself, pulled numerous illegal and unholy shenanigans in college; you just didn’t have the misfortune of living in an era where everyone fancies themselves a celebrity-paparazzo-publisher. So back off.

That out of the way, what I told the last questioner about lying on the job applies equally to getting one; knowing how to keep up appearances despite deep, fundamental flaws is crucial to any profession, especially if you want to go into finance. So get used to altering your persona to fit your audience.

And as Michael Corleone said, “Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer. That’s how you should relate to Facebook. Know that it can be both friend and enemy, and so should be treated with respect and caution.

So here’s my advice: short of deleting your profile, it would be sensible to change the name on your existing,dirty account and then create a new, “clean account with all kinds of White-Anglo-Saxon-Protestant goodies. This shouldn’t be too hard; just make yourself look like Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal Kenneth the Page from “30 Rock.

Because when you think about it, the info section of your Facebook profile is really just a resume, complete with work experience, educational attainment, contact information, (research) interests, extracurriculars (groups, events), and a personal statement (about me). All you have to do is make it look like you’re not a sexually deviant alcoholic with a thing for John Cusack movies who derives genuine motivation from Oprah quotes.

Ham it up, too. Upload pictures of yourself doing things that look fun enough to show that you do other stuff besides work but boring enough to show that you work hard enough to preclude any real fun (example: a baseball game). Then link to an article showing thoughtful inquiry, but not so thoughtful as to betray any real analytical vigor that might threaten a given power structure (example: anything by Thomas Friedman). Finally, quote somebody saying something about the virtues of perseverance (example: Lance Armstrong).

Or, you could just set up your current profile to be a caricature of yourself, exaggerating all the obscene, lewd and violent aspects of your personality, thus creating such a garbled facade of sex and sacrilege that no one will be able to decipher its true meaning.

That’s what I did. And for your information, I am happily unemployed.

 

K.C. CODY loves thatpiratesandtea-bagging have hit their peak news references simultaneously. Drop anchor matey, drop anchor. Drop a line at kccody@ucdavis.edu.

Good Morning, Oceania!

0

In Oceania, the decaying socialist military state George Orwell imagines in 1984, an omnipotent governmental party continually engineers and imposesnewspeakon its citizenry.Newspeak is a continual revolution of language, where words are redefined or eliminated on a daily basis to make vocabularies smaller and opposition to the party impossible to express – or even consider. This means that what was true yesterday is false today and could be true again tomorrow. Staying fluent in a continually falsified language relies on some devious psychology – “doublethink, Orwell called it.

And he certainly did call it.

The modern political climate has more people doomsdaying than ever due to widespread uncertainty and creepy undertones that infiltrate analytical discourse. In case you missed it, the Obama administration has undergone a sweeping renaming of many unpopular parts of the Bush administration and conservative fiscal and social policy while keeping the parts themselves unchanged. This is a no-frills manifestation of Orwell’sdoublespeak. So, this week, I present a transmission from an alternate present of the United States.

If you’ve read 1984, you’ll like this. If you haven’t read 1984, read 1984.

BEGIN TRANSMISSION

Double-plus-good morning, citizens of Oceania [West Partition 17]! As an addition to your daily telescreen Dayorder, today Minitrue is broadcasting a mandatory-viewing reminder of plus-essential Newspeak words. This message will interrupt normal prolefeed.

Remember, it is your duty to the Party to practice crimestop!

To perpetrate thoughtcrime is to become the enemy – to crimethink is to die.

HAIL OCEANIA

Oceania,tis for thee

Don’t be a duckspeaker! Remember these plus-important definitions!

Overseas Contingency Operation. The OCO is a series of plus-secret Minipax activities. They are for your safety. Plus-evil men are hiding like cowards in caves, towns and hospitals everywhere in the MidEast and they can only be kept from harming Oceania through CONSTANT BOMBING CAMPAIGNS. The OCO is not the War on Terror. Oceania has never been at war with terror. Oceania has always been at war with contingencies.

Legacy assets. Legacy assets are a plus-technical tool of the Inner Party that is of no importance and would be plus-boring to explain. Legacy assets are not toxic assets. The economy has always been strong. The financial industry is a plus-necessary part of the production cycle. Without loan-based products, you would watch your children starve. We inherit a proud legacy legacy assets are worth billions of socialized debt!

Recession. A recession is a brief stutter in an otherwise immaculate economic system. Recessions are not brought on by systemic credit abuse and fraud – they are caused by government intervention in the free market and confused consumers who do not understand they must SPEND ALL INCOME DAILY. The ungood economic effects you may feel are delusional. See your local MindPharm for a remedy.

Recovery. A return to normalcy after an unpredictable aberration in a plus-good system of continual prosperity. Many sacrifices must be made in the name of recovery, for it is the precise same system to which we hope to return. Sacrifices must begin at the level of the poorest of consumers, for it is they who profit most from corporate welfare. Remember, there are no lessons to be learned from this plus-small, plus-accidental recession. Oceania is a strong, fragile nation. If called upon, do not hesitate to lay yourself down.

Transparency. To be transparent is to disclose daily activities with Twitter while obscuring and withholding plus-big information about the Wholly Disavowed Former Administration. (Spit at their mention!) The undisclosed actions of former politicians are of no consequence to you. You would be incapable of understanding them due to their technical nature. Plus-big facts are withheld for your safety. With the election of Great Messiah Obama, your government has become transparent! Be thankful!

Theft. Theft does not refer to any action taken by Wall Street speculators, hedge fund operators, investment bankers or federal budgetmakers. All members of the Inner Party are required to take massive private gains for the common good. This is normal and plus-necessary. Theft is an evil black deed perpetrated by drug addicts and the criminally deranged. Sharing digital media with your peers is among the worst grades of theft. To steal music and movies from your fair-pricing benefactors is a crime worthy of the harshest punishments by the RIAA and MPAA regardless of age, income and medical condition.

Socialism. Socialism is the most venomous breed of crimethink. The mention or consideration of Socialist principles is an unforgivable error. Oceania has never taken a Socialist action. Socialism has nothing to offer you. Report all suspected Socialists to your local Thought Police drop-box. Accuse citizens of being Socialists as often and as publicly as possible, necessarily without having read Socialist classics. You have no need to understand Socialism – only that it is to be repudiated plus-quickly when seen.

Republican. The Republican Party has never been the esteemed counterpart of the more liberal factions of the Inner Party. Republicans are carriers of a madness-causing disease similar to the ebola virus. This makes Republicans resemble paranoid schizophrenics by ruminating on political acts of terror while watching the Glenn Beck show from Obama-shelters. Republicans have always had as much disdain for Democrat presidents as they have for democratically-elected leaders in LatAmerica and the MidEast. Republicans have never been cooperative and have always been rabid critics of all reform. You may attempt to calm a slavering Republican by using the plus-good termcentrist government.

Change. Change refers to the act of fundraising. Change has never meant a guarantee of substantive difference. To use the wordchange is a polite manner to solicit donation and support. It has no further connotation.

 

 

CHEYA CARY invites you to send your interpretation of this work to cheya.cary@gmail.com, though he probably won’t get to it until Tuesday. Happy holidays!

News in brief

0

Abandoned boat bill moves forward

 

When a boat or other vessel is abandoned on a state waterway, the State Lands Commission has the authority to remove and dispose of it.

That process is cumbersome, however, requiring lawsuits filed through the Attorney General’s Office. A bill to simplify and expedite this process is currently making its way through the state legislature, according to a press release from the office of State Senator Lois Wolk (D-Davis).

The bill, SB 459, was introduced by Wolk. It passed its first hurdle in the Senate Natural Resources and Water Committee on an 8-1 vote and will next move to the Senate Judiciary Committee.

“There are an increasing number of boat owners storing their vessels on state lands without permission, even dumping or abandoning their vessels,Wolk said in a written statement.These vessels often pollute the water and present safety issues. This problem is evident throughout the state and country’s waterways. But it is particularly acute in the Delta.

The bill will permit the commission to use an administrative process to determine whether a vessel has been abandoned or is trespassing.

 

Earth Day celebration set for Clarksburg River Park

 

Volunteers are invited to come out and take part in the California State Parks Foundation’s 12th annual Earth Day Restoration and Cleanup Day. A special event will be held at Clarksburg River Park in Yolo County on Saturday, April 25th.

From 8:30 a.m. to 1:00 p.m., volunteers will help plant native plants and clean up the riverbank, as well as pick up trash along the levee banks adjacent to the park, according to a press release.

“This is a great opportunity for volunteers to participate in native habitat restoration through the planting of native grasses and shrubs, and the installation of an irrigation system to help establish the plants,said Yolo County Supervisor Mike McGowan in a written statement.This is also a great opportunity to enjoy a beautiful morning celebrating Earth Day in one of Yolo County’s 17 park facilities.

Organizers are asking volunteers to arrive by 8 a.m. and bring gloves, hats, sunscreen, mosquito repellant, hand trowels and shovels. Volunteers should register for the event online at calparks.org/programs/earth-day.

 

Get your news posted here!

 

Do you have information about an event or news issue that you want to get out to the public? Send us an e-mail at city@theaggie.org and it may end up in our weekly online news in brief feature.

UC Scoop

0

UC Davis Cancer Center bomb threat resolved

Operations at the UC Davis Cancer Center have returned to normal after a bomb threat earlier this week.

An unidentified man called the Cancer Center in Sacramento at 8:45 a.m. on Monday indicating there was a bomb in the facility and demanding $10,000. Police immediately evacuated 150 people from the building including 20 patients who were relocated to other facilities on the Health Center campus. Patients with appointments later in the day were rescheduled.

After conducting a comprehensive search using bomb-sniffing dogs, the police concluded there was no device in the building and operations returned to normal in the early afternoon.

The Cancer Center specializes in research and providing outpatient services such as chemotherapy.

 

Researchers seek public’s help in continuing fox study

UC Davis researchers who relied on the public to help track the local red fox population over the past two years, are again calling on citizens to report sightings of the animal.

With the help of 350 people, the researchers were able to study 26 Central Valley dens and identify over 100 individual foxes. They are now looking to expand their efforts through the use of remote camera surveys, radiotelemetry and hair snares.

Red foxes, once thought to be an invasive species in the Sacramento Valley, are actually native cousins to the Sierra Nevada red fox. Though native to this area, the red fox is invasive in lower elevations such as the San Joaquin Valley and coastal areas where it threatens local bird species.

To learn more about the study or report a red fox sighting (living or dead) go to foxsurvey.ucdavis.edu.

 

UC Riverside researcher names lichen after Obama

The first species of any organism to be named after President Barack Obama turned out to be a lichen – a plant growth similar to moss – discovered on Santa Rosa Island off the coast of Southern California.

UC Riverside researcher Kerry Knudsen discovered “Caloplaca obamae” in 2007 while surveying lichen diversity on the Channel Islands. She said she named C. obamae in honor of the president’s support of science and science education and wrote her research paper during the “international jubilation” over his election.

One of 300 lichen species on Santa Rosa Island and 17,000 worldwide, C. obamae came close to extinction due to the intensive sheep and cattle ranching introduced to the island in the 1850s. Since the removal of cattle 50 years ago, plant species have again began flourish on Santa Rosa.

Lichens, which result from the presence of algae and fungi together, grow slowly and live for years. Knudsen says the discovery is proof that the protection of public lands is vital, as other plant species may have disappeared completely without ever being known to science.

 

ALYSOUN BONDE can be reached at campus@theaggie.org. 

 

Women’s water polo preview

0

Teams: No. 10 UC Davis vs. Santa Clara; No. 6 San Jose State

Records: Aggies, 21-8; Broncos, 16-14; Spartans, 18-12

Where: Schaal Aquatic Center

When: Friday at 5:30 p.m.; Saturday at noon

Who to watch: Time and time again, the Aggiesmost experienced player has come up big when it matters most.

A three-year starter, senior Lindsay Kiyama has led UC Davis with three hat trick performances and has totaled an impressive 12 goals in five Big West Conference games.

The Concord, Calif. native is more than just the Aggiesleading scorer, though. She’s also won 87 of her 92 sprints on the season.

Did you know? For the five graduating seniors, this weekend will be the last time they play a game at Schaal Aquatics Center.

Kiyama, Diana Pivacek, Sophia Patronas, Sarah Odegard and Emily Kitchens will be honored prior to Saturday’s Picnic Day game against San Jose State.

Preview: The Aggies have finished up their Big West slate and are facing some challenging non-conference foes before putting the wraps on the regular season.

UC Davis defeated both No. 6 San Jose State and Santa Clara earlier this season, winning by scores of 10-9 and 11-6, respectively.

The Aggies are looking for repeat performances to get them going into the Big West Championships (Apr. 24 to 26) with a full head of steam. The steam has been heating up for quite a while, though, as coach Jamey Wright’s squad has won six of its last seven. Five of those wins were against conference opponents.

“I think we’re playing better defense now than we did at the beginning and middle of the season,Wright said. “I think we’re also closing games out better.

UC Davis has already clinched the No. 2 seed heading into the conference tournament. First, though, it needs to take care of business against the Broncos and Spartans this weekend.

“These are two really good teams to play the weekend before conference,Wright said.We could go 2-0 this weekend or we could go 0-2. What matters to me is how well we’re playing as we head into the conference tournament.

 

Sammy Brasch

Women’s track and field preview

0

Event: Mt. SAC Relays; Bryan Clay Invite

Where: Hilmer Lodge StadiumWalnut, Calif.; Cougar Athletic StadiumAsuza, Calif.

When: Friday and Saturday; all day

Who to watch: Junior Ugo Eke bounced back from a month-long injury this past weekend by clocking a 56.76 in the 400m. Though she took the win, Eke left wanting more.

As far as getting the time I wanted,Eke said,I would have to sayno,but I’ll definitely take it. I was really nervous before my race because I had been out so long that I was starting to doubt if I could do it anymore.

She’ll have her chance to get closer to the school record of 54.73 and regional qualifying mark of 54.61 as she competes at the prestigious Mt. SAC Relays this weekend.

I just want to keep dropping my times,said Eke.I’ve got my eye on that 54. That’s what I’m working toward.

Did you know? When junior Chid Onyewuenyi set the school record in the shot put on Saturday she became the second Aggie this season to qualify for two events at the regional championships. She also set a school record in qualifying for the hammer throw last month.

Senior Kim Conley has qualified in the 1,500m and the 5,000mthe latter of which is a school record.

Preview: After this weekend, Conley very well may hold the record in the 1,500m as well. She will be in a special Olympic Development section of that event, competing against top collegiate runners as well as at least one international athlete.

Like Conley, senior Lorin Scott and junior Jenna Gailey will be racing the 1,500m, though both are entered in the open section.

I’m really looking forward to the 1,500m’s,said coach Deanne Vochatzer.They will be really challenging and fast races. Kimmy is in striking distance of the school record [4:19.94] held by Suzy Jones, and that record has been around [since 1995].

Due to the exclusivity of Mt. SAC, some Aggies will be competing at the Bryan Clay Invitational about 20 minutes away.

It’s probably a blessing in disguise to get split up,said Vochatzer.We get more people in more events, so more work gets done. Bryan Clay will be a big meet because Mt. SAC went big time international.

Alex Wolf-Root