In Oceania, the decaying socialist military state George Orwell imagines in 1984, an omnipotent governmental party continually engineers and imposes “newspeak” on its citizenry. “Newspeak“ is a continual revolution of language, where words are redefined or eliminated on a daily basis to make vocabularies smaller and opposition to the party impossible to express – or even consider. This means that what was true yesterday is false today and could be true again tomorrow. Staying fluent in a continually falsified language relies on some devious psychology – “doublethink,“ Orwell called it.
And he certainly did call it.
The modern political climate has more people doomsdaying than ever due to widespread uncertainty and creepy undertones that infiltrate analytical discourse. In case you missed it, the Obama administration has undergone a sweeping renaming of many unpopular parts of the Bush administration and conservative fiscal and social policy while keeping the parts themselves unchanged. This is a no-frills manifestation of Orwell’s “doublespeak.“ So, this week, I present a transmission from an alternate present of the United States.
If you’ve read 1984, you’ll like this. If you haven’t read 1984, read 1984.
Double-plus-good morning, citizens of Oceania [West Partition 17]! As an addition to your daily telescreen Dayorder, today Minitrue is broadcasting a mandatory-viewing reminder of plus-essential Newspeak words. This message will interrupt normal prolefeed.
Remember, it is your duty to the Party to practice crimestop!
To perpetrate thoughtcrime is to become the enemy – to crimethink is to die.
Oceania, ‘tis for thee …
Don’t be a duckspeaker! Remember these plus-important definitions!
Overseas Contingency Operation. The OCO is a series of plus-secret Minipax activities. They are for your safety. Plus-evil men are hiding like cowards in caves, towns and hospitals everywhere in the MidEast and they can only be kept from harming Oceania through CONSTANT BOMBING CAMPAIGNS. The OCO is not the War on Terror. Oceania has never been at war with terror. Oceania has always been at war with contingencies.
Legacy assets. Legacy assets are a plus-technical tool of the Inner Party that is of no importance and would be plus-boring to explain. Legacy assets are not toxic assets. The economy has always been strong. The financial industry is a plus-necessary part of the production cycle. Without loan-based products, you would watch your children starve. We inherit a proud legacy – legacy assets are worth billions of socialized debt!
Recession. A recession is a brief stutter in an otherwise immaculate economic system. Recessions are not brought on by systemic credit abuse and fraud – they are caused by government intervention in the free market and confused consumers who do not understand they must SPEND ALL INCOME DAILY. The ungood economic effects you may feel are delusional. See your local MindPharm for a remedy.
Recovery. A return to normalcy after an unpredictable aberration in a plus-good system of continual prosperity. Many sacrifices must be made in the name of recovery, for it is the precise same system to which we hope to return. Sacrifices must begin at the level of the poorest of consumers, for it is they who profit most from corporate welfare. Remember, there are no lessons to be learned from this plus-small, plus-accidental recession. Oceania is a strong, fragile nation. If called upon, do not hesitate to lay yourself down.
Transparency. To be transparent is to disclose daily activities with Twitter while obscuring and withholding plus-big information about the Wholly Disavowed Former Administration. (Spit at their mention!) The undisclosed actions of former politicians are of no consequence to you. You would be incapable of understanding them due to their technical nature. Plus-big facts are withheld for your safety. With the election of Great Messiah Obama, your government has become transparent! Be thankful!
Theft. Theft does not refer to any action taken by Wall Street speculators, hedge fund operators, investment bankers or federal budgetmakers. All members of the Inner Party are required to take massive private gains for the common good. This is normal and plus-necessary. Theft is an evil black deed perpetrated by drug addicts and the criminally deranged. Sharing digital media with your peers is among the worst grades of theft. To steal music and movies from your fair-pricing benefactors is a crime worthy of the harshest punishments by the RIAA and MPAA regardless of age, income and medical condition.
Socialism. Socialism is the most venomous breed of crimethink. The mention or consideration of Socialist principles is an unforgivable error. Oceania has never taken a Socialist action. Socialism has nothing to offer you. Report all suspected Socialists to your local Thought Police drop-box. Accuse citizens of being Socialists as often and as publicly as possible, necessarily without having read Socialist classics. You have no need to understand Socialism – only that it is to be repudiated plus-quickly when seen.
Republican. The Republican Party has never been the esteemed counterpart of the more liberal factions of the Inner Party. Republicans are carriers of a madness-causing disease similar to the ebola virus. This makes Republicans resemble paranoid schizophrenics by ruminating on political acts of terror while watching the Glenn Beck show from Obama-shelters. Republicans have always had as much disdain for Democrat presidents as they have for democratically-elected leaders in LatAmerica and the MidEast. Republicans have never been cooperative and have always been rabid critics of all reform. You may attempt to calm a slavering Republican by using the plus-good term “centrist government.“
Change. Change refers to the act of fundraising. Change has never meant a guarantee of substantive difference. To use the word “change“ is a polite manner to solicit donation and support. It has no further connotation.
CHEYA CARY invites you to send your interpretation of this work to firstname.lastname@example.org, though he probably won’t get to it until Tuesday. Happy holidays!