A part of me might tell you that I once dated someone who felt differently than I did about the physical aspect of our relationship. Yet another part of me might tell you that I was raped.

What does the term rape actually mean? That’s what I’m trying to figure out. What happened to me is this: I felt forced to have sex. I was consistently asked to have it despite how often I explained that I didn’t want to. I felt like we couldn’t make out without the expectation that it would lead to intercourse. I was not reassured that he would be in a relationship with me if I refused to have sex. Anything sexual that he did for me, I felt that I had to do the same for him or I was being selfish.

Does this fall under the definition of rape? From my understanding, rape is any type of sexual intercourse that is forced upon another person. Most importantly, there is a lack of consent on behalf of someone involved. I consider agreeing to have sex because someone involved feels that they have no choice to be a lack of consent. I consider silence to be a lack of consent. Especially when that silence is a result of giving up.

What is important to realize is that rape doesn’t have to be violent or physically forceful to still be considered rape. It doesn’t have to be between strangers, between people with a significant age difference, between people of opposite sexes. Rape exists in many forms. What happened to me was masked by what we both believed, at the time, was a relatively healthy relationship. It happened even though outside of our sex life, we went on dates, cooked each other breakfast, talked constantly. It happened despite how much we cared about one another.

Is it my fault then, if I stayed in the relationship anyway?

Sometimes I feel like it was. I don’t think he ever had bad intentions. The blame could fall on these biological differences, or the ways in which society and the media says to treat these differences — namely, that it wasn’t his fault that he wanted to have sex, it’s just nature. Who or what is really at fault is an ever-consuming question, so if I knew the answer I wouldn’t be writing this article.

But here is what I’ve realized — it doesn’t matter who takes the blame or whose fault it is. Whether I should have or not, I went through with it because I felt like our relationship, or his happiness, or both, depended on it. I was led to believe that going along with sexual intercourse and being pressured is normal because it happens to everybody. I am not condemning sexual intercourse in a relationship; I am condemning sex that is not consensual, because that is rape.

Rape is a heavy word, and I don’t mean to undermine anyone’s experience that was more forceful than mine. I am not trying to equate my experience to the severity of anyone else’s. Why I’m arguing that the word rape applies is because what I went through crossed into the realm of exploitation, and I want to utilize the intensity and enormity of the connotations of rape to draw attention to the fact that I was physically and emotionally violated. I want to use this word because this kind of violation occurs too often, and just because it is common does not make it acceptable.

What I’ve taken from this experience is the need to perpetuate respect. I don’t know how to deconstruct society’s norms and expectations, but I can start by asking anyone who’s read this far to respect your partner, if you have one, or to respect one in the future. Respect each other’s wants and needs, and respect yourself. I think I wanted to respect my ex’s wants and needs by giving him what he asked for, but I violated my own to do so, and disrespected myself in the process. If not being intimate would have violated his wants and needs, then we weren’t in the right relationship. The relationships worth keeping are based on respect, and love doesn’t mean anything without it.

In other words, we are all worthy of respect. I learned that the hard way, but no one else should have to.

NICOLE LESNETT is a fourth-year international relations major. She can be reached at nelesnett@ucdavis.edu.

A new class of senators and an executive ticket have been elected. What better time for me to sit safely behind my computer and cast judgment on my one-time peers for their fruitful or futile year of public service? These are ASUCD report cards — sadly it’s a low curve this quarter.

Senator Joyce Han — C+: Han accomplished none of her three platforms (that’s a theme with this class) and was not a strong presence at the senate table. However, her beautification of the 24-hour study room in collaboration with the Aggie Public Arts Committee makes her one of the few senators to accomplish any project whatsoever. Though I myself did not agree with the project, it has improved the extremely drab study chamber and bettered the lives of students. For this, Han should be commended.

Senator Beatriz Anguiano — C: Anguiano offered a softer, more charming voice at the table in the fight for ethnic and lavender graduations, making her a fitting battle companion to the fiery former Senator Jared Crisologo-Smith. However, once funding was secured and that platform accomplished, Anguiano entered a period of silence, fading into relative obscurity. This is a shame. As endearing and likeable as she is, she could have been an extremely successful advocate at the senate table.

Senator Kabir Kapur — C: Kapur was unapologetically passionate, and did not mind offending others or stepping on a few toes. I appreciate such forthrightness. However, his inflammatory and volatile nature also made him extremely difficult to work with at times, sending many of his pursuits flailing down the pipeline just like his arms at the table. Kapur assisted in CalPIRG’s campaign to get out the vote for Prop. 30, a crucial real-world legislative effort, but accomplished neither of his extremely broad platforms. Kapur’s most redeeming quality was his commitment to giving all arguments a fair hearing and never deciding his vote until all sides had spoken.

Senator Bradley Bottoms — C- : Bottoms accomplished neither of his platforms. Additionally, he appeared extremely reluctant in allowing opposing arguments to sway his vote, almost as though it was locked in before the meeting started. Preparation is one thing, dogmatism is another. Bottoms scores points however for his extremely affable nature, bringing a warm and friendly face to the typically cold and unapproachable (I swear I’m a nice guy) association. He would receive a higher grade but his term is marred by the ugly Beergate scandal, which I suspect he regrets initiating.

Senator Paul Min — B: Min himself admits to being somewhat lethargic in his term, bringing his grade down from the start; however, there’s also a lot to like. Accomplishing his platform of improving campus lighting in collaboration with the UC Davis Police Department was a victory of historic proportions as such platforms were run, unsuccessfully, all the way back to the bygone days of LEAD. Min also held some of the most successful office hours in history by offering free pizza to anyone willing to talk to him. Desperate maybe, but undeniably effective. However, his seeming disinterest in many issues and two unaccomplished platforms stop him from going higher than a B.

Senator Don Gilbert — C+: Gilbert was a surprisingly strong advocate at the table and a remarkably consistent voter, bringing order to the relative chaos. His experience as a former athlete also made him an invaluable resource to the senate table as they engaged in debates about Intercollegiate Athletics. He falls short though by accomplishing neither of his platforms and actively working against one of them by voting no on cultural graduations in budget hearings.

Vice President Yena Bae — F: A ship is only as good as the person steering it, and the senate table has never looked more disorderly — more resembling a bar-fight than a legislature. Bae’s ignorance of the bylaws and parliamentary procedure led to multiple embarrassing moments throughout the year. Further, disturbing reports that ASUCD was her third highest priority leave me wringing my hands. I do feel sympathy to her for her ASUCD-induced migraines (no one deserves that), but the student body deserved more out of half their executive office.

President Rebecca Sterling — D: The longest budget hearings in history, a three-week misguided effort attempting to consolidate the three advocacy units into one and an extremely public battle with former Senator Yara Zokaie are all memorable hallmarks of her term. Sterling exits having accomplished one of her eight platforms. These failures might be explained by Sterling possessing little of the political aptitude shown by her predecessor and apparent mentor, Adam Thongsavat. Where Thongsavat frequently cooperated with the Senate, Sterling misfired with a strong-arm approach. The greatest disappointment comes in Sterling’s lack of posted office hours, muting her approachability — an attribute she claimed separated her from electoral opponent Bree Rombi.

There you have it — not a strong class. Let’s hope next year’s group steps it up.

JUSTIN GOSS has no problem distilling individuals’ efforts down to a single letter. If you would like to admonish him for such dehumanizing tactics, you may do so at jjgoss@ucavis.edu, but please only address him as J.

Pizza Guy knocks.

The door swings open to reveal a half-naked woman with neck-down alopecia and two balloons attached to her ribcage.

“I hear somebody ordered a large sausage pizza?”

We all know where it goes from there.

Pornography is as old as civilization itself — even prehistoric rock art depicted erotic images. Pornographic films, such as the Le Coucher de la Mariée striptease, were in production less than a year after the motion picture was invented in 1895.

And since the advent of the internet, porn has become more accessible than ever before.

This has led, unsurprisingly, to quite a bit of self-righteous backlash. Porn is immoral, they say. It’s filthy. It is corrupting the minds of the people who watch it with depraved thoughts. If you watch porn, you should feel ashamed, especially if you are a girl.

I beg to disagree.

Porn has many benefits for those who enjoy watching it. For those not in sexual relationships, it can provide relief from sexual frustration. For those with sexual partners, porn can inspire new ideas. It can even provide virtual “variety” for those who crave it, but are in monogamous relationships. Porn can help people having difficulty orgasming or conjuring their own fantasies while flying solo.

In and of itself, porn is great.

My issue is not with the immorality or “corrupting influence” of porn. The only real problem with pornography stems from the fact that there is very little discourse about real sex to counter the discourse in porn sex.

Sure, sex surrounds us every day in advertisements, music, TV — you name it. But what our society still lacks is the ability to communicate about sex openly and honestly.

This is not to say people are actively confused by the difference between the porn world and the real world. If they were, Woodstock’s would have won most popular place to work two weeks ago. But porn has nevertheless influenced our sex lives because of the lack of other, less glamorized sexual discourse.

For many young people, porn has replaced sex ed. Parents don’t want to talk to their kids about anything beyond the missionary position, so they learn everything else about how they should act from the easiest place they can find it: online porn.

This would not be so much of an issue if the narrative of most free, mainstream internet porn was not so predictable. Almost all of this (most widely available) porn is made by straight men, for straight men. And, according to these videos, the end-all goal of every sexual encounter is the male orgasm.

This is not only damaging to young women (who grow up not feeling as entitled to orgasm) but to young men as well. Sex is not all about the orgasm. Sometimes girls don’t come, and this seems to be accepted, but sometimes guys don’t, either. And because of porn, this is seen as a failure. Guys feel the need to apologize, even if the girl got off and the sex was thoroughly enjoyable.

Even for us college kids, the less-than-smooth moments that are a part of every sexual encounter would be far less mortifying if we were willing to have more open dialogues about sex. Everyone has experienced awkward noises, stubborn bra straps and mid-coital sneezes, but many feel embarrassed because these things are never seen in the videos where many of us have learned about how sex is “supposed” to go.

Porn stars never queef.

Porn won’t ever mirror real life, and it shouldn’t have to. It is entertainment, and therefore meant to look good for the camera, and usually be shocking enough to garner views and downloads.

We should never feel ashamed or embarrassed to watch porn, but need to keep in mind that the narrative most porn presents is as narrow-minded as the people who condemn it. Sex is not about looking perfect, and it’s not all about ejaculation, either. It’s about having fun with your partner and making each other feel good.

And the only way we can perpetuate that idea as opposed to the one presented in porn, the only way we can balance the pornographic narrative, is to stop seeing our sex lives as a hush-hush issue.

MARISA MASSARA wants to hear about your sex life! She can be reached at mvmassara@ucdavis.edu.

We college students love beer. Duh.

But what kind of beer drinkers are we? Those of us on the editorial board who aren’t yet 21 years old obviously have no idea what beer tastes like. Bread, we’ve been told.

We’ve seen undergrads at frat parties chug cans of Keystones like water — boat racing and shotgunning and chanting and throwing ping-pong balls into plastic cups and all sorts of other things you should never do with beer.

Correction: Those are things you should never do with good beer. Natty Light? OK. Pong that shit up.

Beer is an artform. It deserves to be savored as such. It should be poured into a glass. It should be poured into the right glass, so it can create and maintain the right amount of head. Yes, foam is important.

It’s sad going to The Davis Beer Shoppe and feeling almost exclusively surrounded by non-students and grad students. Great beer, and bartenders who will happily tell you all about the beer, are worth the extra buck or two.

At the Pliny The Younger release on Monday, there was hardly an undergrad in sight. People! Pliny is a big deal! Google it! And skip class so you can line up well in advance at Burgers & Brew when they start serving it today at 3 p.m. You’re welcome in advance.

In our collective few visits to University of Beer, we have seen a fair share of undergrads, actually. Maybe it’s because of the word “University.” We’re not going to bash the bar, which impressively has 60 beers on tap, but we are going to complain a little.

Why no prices, UoB? Is it because you’re targeting college students, and you think we don’t know how much high-end beers should cost?

Do you know how frustrating it is to stare at three flat-screen televisions broadcasting your sizable list of beer — beer which, might we add, is listed in no logical order — and have no idea what size the glasses will be or how much they’ll cost? Do you know how difficult it is to hold a bartender’s attention during a busy night to ask for the prices of beer after beer after beer, until you finally find one in your price range?

Do you know how embarrassing it is to be on a blind date and try to seem impressive by ordering a foreign sour that you remember having at the Beer Shoppe for $6, and then discover that you’ve been billed $9 for two ounces less? Do you know how it feels when someone never calls you back because of the obscene profanity that inevitably escaped your mouth after such a deception?

Um … neither do we.

With all of that said, we encourage all folks of legal age to consider their next beer as a journey. There are lots of specials downtown through March 3 for Sacramento Beer Week, so be adventurous and try something new. Or go to the Davis Food Co-op and pick up that brew made with saffron, honey and muscat grapes you’ve always been meaning to try. Whatever you choose to do, use a glass, please.