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Saturday, February 24, 2024

Advertisement: Looking for a roommate for next year

My emotional support rat must have his own room

 

By CARMEL RAVIV — craviv@ucdavis.edu

 

Hello, my name is Juke Jakeson. I am in dire need of a roommate next year for off-campus housing, and you must be in need of one too! It’s like I’m reading your mind! Ahaha. 

A little about me: 

  • I am very tidy and organized. I keep such a tight ship when I clean that sometimes I even wear a pirate hat! LOL! 
  • I love to cook cultural foods, such as three-bean casserole, Thanksgiving turkey and ham-and-Swiss-cheese sandwiches. (I plan to move to Switzerland one day.) I hope you like spicy food, because I have a tendency to add black pepper!
  • I don’t mind cooking if you do the dishes. It will be like practicing for marriage, which I think is very proactive.

If you are to live with me, I would like a balance of studying and fun activities. If you opt for a wild night, such as playing Uno past 11 p.m. or drinking Mountain Dew after brushing your teeth, I would appreciate being made aware ahead of time. Additionally, you must be well versed in Excel so we can coordinate schedules. 

I’d love to find a place that is close to campus, especially the Physics Building. To be completely honest, I have a friend that hangs out there a lot. He’s a ginger, always down to eat and sunbathe. I would ask him to move in with me, but he’s a cat, and I don’t think he has a stable source of income. I’m curious about his financial situation, but I know it’s rude to ask. I’m sure you will hit it off with each other once I introduce you all!

I mainly respond through Slack, Pinterest DMs or Clash of Clans 1v1 battles, so feel free to contact me through any of those if you have questions. 

Have a nice day! Go Aggies 🙂

 

Written by: Carmel Raviv — craviv@ucdavis.edu

Disclaimer: (This article is humor and/or satire, and its content is purely fictional. The story and the names of “sources” are fictionalized.)