A new class of senators and executive officers took its place within ASUCD in March, but a small group of dissenters continues to fight the results of the election.

Two complaints have been filed alleging that February’s election was unfair and that students were “disenfranchised” when the voting website went down for a three-and-a-half hour period.

The most recent complaint was filed with the ASUCD Court, which is currently processing the case. The case was delayed last week after the plaintiff, Christopher Ambriz, failed to submit a required document on time. A planned hearing has not yet been rescheduled.

The claim that students have been disenfranchised is highly suspect. Where are all these disenfranchised students? Where are the crowds of angry students because they didn’t get to vote?

Everyone who wanted to vote had an opportunity to vote, and there is no obvious or compelling evidence to the contrary. The election was extended for 3.5 hours in keeping with bylaws requiring elections to last for a 48-hour period.

If anything, it’s clear that the vast majority of students are not concerned and just want the issue to go away.

Given the lack of student support for this case, it’s difficult to gauge what the plaintiffs are actually after, especially since they have refused to speak with The Aggie. Ostensibly, they want the election to be held again, but in the broader scheme of things this would be a brazen disservice to students.

Aside from the fact that a new election would cost thousands of dollars in student fees, it would also force all the candidates to go back to the campaign trail and repeat the long and arduous process of getting their messages out to the voters. Moreover, recalling all the new senators and executive officers would result in a huge disruption in the operation of ASUCD – yet another blow to students who expect the student government to be making regular progress.

The glitches in the winter election presented an unusual and interesting turn of events that were nevertheless resolved promptly and appropriately at the time. Dragging this out any further only hurts students as a whole, and it begs the question of whether the people pushing this court case are merely serving their own narrow self-interests. 

UC Davis has accepted 18,146 out of 39,288 applicants, or 46.2 percent for fall 2009. This is a drop from last year‘s 52.4 percent admissions rate.

This increased selectivity was due to a huge increase in the number of freshmen applications as well as the regents‘ vote to reduce the UC’s overall enrollment target for fall 2009. At Davis, this vote reduced the freshmen enrollment target from 5,000 for fall 2008 to 4,600 for fall 2009.

Though these numbers may seem discouraging for the freshmen applicants who weren’t admitted, the increased selectivity could bring a positive change to the university.

As the acceptance rates are lowered, admissions standards are set to a higher bar. The average GPA of admitted students is 4.0 for fall 2009, compared to last year’s average of 3.94. Other factors such as extra-curricular activities, essays and recommendations have also become standards for many UC applicants.

The increased selectivity could also result in an overall increase in UC Davis rankings – as well as the benefits that result from it. With higher rankings, more grants might be given to the university, which would help fund research and attract more students and professors.

Additionally, reduced admissions rates will be better for student housing. Fall 2006 saw a 67.8 freshmen acceptance rate and overcrowded dorms as doubles were converted into triples.

The decreased acceptance rate will likely result in more freshmen applicants choosing to attend a community college for their general education and then transfer to a UC to get their degree. UC Davis accepted more transfer students for fall 2009, with about 2,000 students transferring from another college or university compared to 1,930 students who transferred last fall.

This path is a cheaper alternative for both the student and the university. 

Politics can be a pretty confusing thing to follow. Amidst all the talking, making promises and failing to talk about past promises, it’s sometimes hard to tell whether the system is working for or against you.

ASUCD politics are no exception, and despite my somewhat slanted history when it comes to discussing matters of student government, I’m sure there are examples of the system doing its job and benefiting students. Granted, such examples might be hard to find, but this week I’ve decided to stick my nose into two recent developments within the Association and figure out just whose interests are being looked out for.

Number one on the list of noteworthy ASUCD developments centers around the ongoing Memorial Union/ US Bank Deal. For those of you that are unfamiliar with the history behind this issue, don’t be alarmed, it hasn’t exactly been the most public, or even interesting, of issues.

However, those of you who were fortunate enough to follow last quarter’s elections will remember that the vast majority of senate candidates spoke out against the deal, which would deliver $190,000 annually to the university, along with a $300,000 signing bonus.

The arguments against the deal ranged from a shortage of space in the MU, to paranoid rants about the dangers of selling out to corporate America, but ultimately rallied around the idea that the students would not be seeing enough of the funds generated by any contract.

Over the past few months it’s become clear that fighting to contract is no use, the bank is coming whether students like it or not.

Luckily, the only thing that could be done is exactly what ASUCD is designed to do in the first place – lobby the administration to ensure that student interests are met. According to talk at last week’s senate meeting, former president Ivan Carrillo has been continuously meeting with Associate Vice Chancellor Janet Gong in an effort to reword the deal and secure ASUCD a portion of the revenue. While nothing is set in stone, the future behind the deal looks promising, and certainly appears to be taking into consideration the interests of the student body. Thumbs up, ASUCD.

In addition to the US Bank deal, there were also developments in an ASUCD matter that simply refuses to die. That’s right, it’s been almost two months since the polls closed, and ASUCD has yet to clean up the mess left behind by the Winter ‘09 Election Controversy.

Before I start ranting on the ridiculousness of this whole mess, it should be noted that ASUCD isn’t completely responsible for manner in which this controversy has been continuously dragged on. As some of you may have heard, last week’s scheduled hearing on the matter was postponed due to the plaintiff, Chris Ambriz, filing his brief past the deadline.

Now, I understand the desire to do things right, but how much longer can members of the student body question the legitimacy of elected officials that were seated back in February?

Each passing day that this matter lingers around the name of ASUCD means a slight decrease in the organization’s already ailing credibility. When one considers the fact that last week’s senate meeting saw President Joe Chatham deliver his first State of the Association address, you have to wonder what’s to gain by pursuing such a petty complaint against last quarter’s election. Would it really be better to completely undo all the work that these previously elected officials have done, remove them from their offices, and hold another scandal-tainted election? I think not, and believe that this matter warrants a big thumbs down for the Association’s public image.

As I’ve said before, politics can be confusing, but if you look hard enough you’re almost guaranteed to find examples of both the success and failures of government. Luckily, when it comes to ASUCD, you don’t have to look very hard for either.

JAMES NOONAN admits that ASUCD isn’t all bad, but also knows that failures are always more fun to talk about than successes. Tell him what you find fun at jjnoonan@ucdavis.edu.

For the most part, the Beatles got it right about a lot of things: Yes, money can’t buy me love, all my troubles really did seem so far away yesterday, and of course, happiness is indeed a warm gun.

But I must wholeheartedly disagree with them when they suggest I should just “let it be.” As in, some things just can’t be helped and so I should let them go. But in my life, it’s more like, “let it fester,” or “let it brew.” In other words, I prefer to take the lower road; holding a grudge has become a lost art and it’s high time it made a comeback. Grudge is the new black, so bitter it up!

For one thing, I’m not self-righteous enough to be so forgiving. I’m powerless enough against boys who don’t love me, bosses who lay me off, and friends who ditch me at hotdog stands. All I can do in my capacity is hold a grudge – and hold it I shall, like a beast! (And when I say beast, I mean an Asian ghoul-type-thing with a bad case of scoliosis, an affinity for prank calls, a staring problem and a tendency to croak). Now if you guys are new to this concept, fear not my minions (aw, I haven’t said that in a long time). From me to you, here’s how to hold a grudge.

First, you must realize you aren’t the “bigger person.” If you think about it, you were never any sort of moral beacon. So why start now and pretend to be somebody way classier than you really are?

You never donated to charity, homeless people scare the shit out of you, and you’ve pretty much cheated your way through college. You’re basically a real nowhere man. Now who are you to all of a sudden want to leave the girl who broke your heart in such good, standing condition? So go on with your bad self and leave those messages on her voicemail where all you do is breathe heavily and recite her home address.

Relish in the petty behavior and make ‘em squirm. Sometimes I think staying classy is overrated. If your boyfriend breaks up with you, for example, and you have no future plans of ever being friends with him, why not buy a ticket to ride the crazycoaster? You’re still young and at the age when indulging in being nuts will become funny later on. Covering his car windows with Vaseline and pouring sand down his gas tank when I’m 64 will look sad and immature, but in my twenties? Comic gold.

So go ahead and take this rare opportunity to be that girl. Sure you guys only dated for three months. Under normal circumstances (read: Being sane), you would both forget about each other in a couple of months. But let’s try to make him remember you eight days a week, up until at least the next month of Forever. When you guys were together, you showed him love, sex and magic. Now that you guys are apart, it’s time to show him psychotic – now equipped with 80 percent more insanity via breaking into his social networking accounts.

All that dignity and respect you have can go away for a bit and come together again for later occasions (like your next relationship, for instance). For now, posting up pictures with you at the shooting range or bumping into your ex with a box full of propane tanks and explaining that it’s for your new “pet project” are just simple ways of having fun at his expense (not to mention his mental health too).

Bathe in the haterade and eat it for breakfast. Having a grudge acknowledges two glorious things: (1) that you care enough about the person to go out of your way and make it look like you don’t care with a vengeance and (2) that you will accept the fact that it will get uncomfortable between the two of you. And. You. Will. Love. It.

Start by saying hello, goodbye to social decorum. Those painstaking moments of silence when you run into each other at the mall? Don’t try to fill it with meaningless chatter – extend it for as long as possible because it’s music to your ears. If your target is getting tired of your antics, offer an olive branch after a string of bad behavior. Perhaps a handmade card that reads, “Maybe we can work it out,” and a little lunch date that has shown her you’ve really matured and gotten past all this anger.

But then in your head you know you’re just trying to refill your gas tank of hatred because it’s going to be a long and winding road. You’re not done being evil yet, and not because you genuinely hate them (in fact, you’ve actually forgotten why you’re so angry in the first place) but because you’re bored and because it is sort of charming the way you want their lives to be as difficult and tense as possible. Because at the end of the day, it sort of gives you purpose and damn, it just feels good.

Help! LYNN LA wants to see if you can spot all 10 Beatles references in this column, so don’t let her down (the first four don’t count). Get back to her at ldla@ucdavis.edu.

The college dating scene (or the lack thereof) and the ensuing confusion is frustrating and often leads to stereotyping of the opposite sex.

Ladies, how often have you and your friends lamented that “all college guys are undateable douchebags“ and guys, how many times have you seen one of the aforementioned douchebag punch another notch on his belt after successfully harpooning the fair damsel on the dance floor?

Well, I‘m not gonna lie; these generalizations are pretty much true in college and Davis is no exception.

But don‘t despair, my friends, because this peculiar affinity for being attracted to the opposite of what is actually healthy or good for us is but one of four stages in what I like to call “The Cycle of Douchebaggery.“

Stage 1: The Idealist Phase. Also known as “The Cory Matthews Phase“ for guys and “The Disney Dream Phase“ for girls, this stage is characterized by an unabated (and often naïve) desire for a meaningful relationship. Whether it is the Homeric search for a Topanga Lawrence or a Prince Charming, those who reside within this stage are looking for more than just a one-night-stand. But let‘s face it; we are biologically hardwired to be promiscuous, filthy apes and it takes a degree of idealism to seek and maintain a healthy long-term relationship. Stage 1 individuals are thoughtful, empathetic creatures who understand the true definition of love is deriving happiness by ensuring the happiness and well-being of another.

Stage 2: The Realization Phase. Once Stage 1 guys tire of seeing their would-be Topangas banging the Biffs from Back to the Future, they gradually grow disillusioned. They may realize treating a girl like she is more than just a piece of meat will more often than not leave them biting the dust of their less morally composed male colleagues.

If a Stage 1 girl too often finds herself abandoned shortly after dropping her drawbridge to allow Prince Charming to storm her castle, then she may begin to lose faith in romantic love and decide she might as well just slut it up.

Stage 3: The Douchebag/Beezies Phase. When reality‘s brutal blows stamp out all vestiges of hope for a meaningful relationship, individuals enter this stage, the category in which most college-aged people reside. Stage 3 guys exhibit typical douchebag behavior and are primarily motivated by a singular urge to “get some, then get out.“ Mindful of history‘s valuable lessons, a Stage 3 guy often uses his Trojan horse to deceive and penetrate Stage 1 girls‘ fortress walls, shattering their Disney-esque dreams and leaving them embittered listening to Taylor Swift‘s “White Horse.“

Stage 3 girls are terrified of commitment and are hopelessly attracted to douchebags, leaving Stage 1 guys shit out of luck. These girls love being treated like dirt and reward douchebag behavior by giving Stage 3 guys exactly what they want. Stage 3 girls revel in the attention they receive by leading on hopeful Stage 1 guys, only to leave them dragging the flower bouquet in the rain like Hitch before he got game.

After screwing over Stage 1 individuals, Stage 3 skeezers perpetuate the cycle by making douchebags and beezies out of good guys and girls, respectively. They also have no qualms about pursuing Stage 1 individuals already in relationships, planting the seeds of doubt, and conveniently picking up the pieces once the relationship hits the fan.

Stage 4: The Empty Phase. After many fleeting and meaningless sexual conquests, Stage 3 Douchebags and Beezies reach an existential crisis when they realize their behavior has left them emotionally drained and spiritually empty. It may take years to reach this stage and some never will (i.e. Hugh Hefner), but most reach this stage not long after leaving college. This transitory phase causes the douchebag guy and bona fide skeezbag girl alike to come full circle, reevaluate their degenerate lives, and realize that their Topanga or Prince Charming may be out there after all.

Thus, we arrive back where we began at Stage 1.

MIKE HOWER thinks you‘re a skeezbag. Yeah, you. Reevaluate your life then send him a message at mahower@ucdavis.edu.