Well the end of the year has finally approached and I have to bid farewell. I must say it’s been quite a ride for my column. This year was my first time I split a column into two parts (big deal, I know), my first real hate mail and my first (and failed) attempt at meeting readers. It certainly has been fun and y’all have no idea how indebted I am to you guys. I’d like to thank everyone who took the time to read my shenanigans, even if it was just one column that you ended up hating or something.
But, I feel that this relationship is a little one-sided. You guys suck me dry for advice and I am left to answer all my life questions alone. That’s why I’d like to ask for help this time. I’ve made a few observations that could use some explaining. So, would you be so kind as to help an ol‘ friend out? Yours truly is in need of advice and she thinks there is no one else better to turn to than you guys, dear minions.
My first quandary is why do I keep hearing guys complain about “girl-things“? I have a friend who always gripes about how it takes an hour for his girlfriend to get ready, how he hates it when she spends money on shoes and clothes or how he thinks makeup is the weirdest thing, but then he expects all girls to look like supermodels if they ever want to be with anyone. Okay, some guys out there might be shaking their heads thinking, “Well that’s because he’s a douche bag. I don’t think like that.” But surprisingly, a lot of the guys I know do.
It always seems like guys don’t want to know about the “process.” They belittle it, calling it female trifles, throw around how great it is to be a male and not care about that stuff, but then get turned off by any girl who looks like she “let herself go.” You all say you want a girl who is down to earth, scrappy, and has a good sense of humor, but then guys always get with some dainty girl with long hair and boobs up to her neck, who hits the clubs every weekend and doesn’t know the difference between “your” and “you’re.“
That’s like us women saying we want some “nice guy” but then we hook up with some huge asshole instead. Oh wait, never mind – I guess we do that already, teehee!
My second problem is how do you deal with bad teachers? It seems like there is a huge bias out there when students complain because there’s this notion that we’re just lazy college kids bitching and moaning about a bad grade. Although this may be true sometimes, there have been a bunch of incidents where my friends and I all got legitimately screwed by horrible professors. We all kept our mouths shut of course because the odds are stacked against us when it comes to actually changing these things.
There are teachers who don’t allow students to ask any questions during exams, professors who refuse to read rough drafts because they don’t want to “spoon-feed” us anything and teachers who skew the grade scale downward because too many students did well on a test.
To them, I’d just like to say: Hi, I’m Lynn. I’m not in any of your classes this quarter so please don’t try to fail me. Anyway, I’m sure you’re a smart person, really. You obviously got to this point for a reason, but there’s a big difference between being a good scholar and being a good teacher. Please try to be the latter. Now I’m not saying this means raising everyone’s grades but I’m paying good money for this edumacation and if you just shake your head no every time some student inquires about a re-grade then be prepared to feel the wrath of my fill-in bubble answers and golf pencil! Those two things can start a revolution!
Lastly, I’d just want to know what’s the correct way of answering, “So, what are you going to do after college with that lame major?” without punching someone in the face. Oh, and what sort of stank is ballooning out of those vents in front of Olson and the Women’s Center? Or why is it easier for less attractive boys to get girlfriends than less attractive girls to get boyfriends? Damn it, there are so many things I wanted to ask you but never had the chance! If we only had more time! Will I ever get to learn if my laugh sounds like yours, mother?! And are you the little girl in this locket? Oh mama, what are we to do?!
LYNN LA would like to tell a little secret: a third person actually doesn’t write these little post scripts, the columnist themselves do and they have to write it in another perspective because, well, she doesn’t know why. She’ll probably be murdered for giving this info away. If you want to save her life, I would love to hear from you at firstname.lastname@example.org. Oops, I mean she, she would love to hear from you.