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Davis

Davis, California

Monday, October 18, 2021

And then I found 5 dollars

As many of you are probably aware by now, this week was national Pitch It to the People Week for Students for Concealed Carry on Campus, or SCCC. The organization is a non-partisan group that supports the right of concealed handgun license holders to carry their weapons on college campuses as a means of protection. SCCC hopes to dispel myths and educate the public about the facts of concealed carry and hopes to eventually make it legal for license holders to carry on campuses such as ours.

I don’t know about the rest of you, but this idea really resonated with me. There have been many times when I have been walking across campus at night or been seemingly alone in a parking lot thinking, “What if someone were to attack me right now? All I would have to protect myself are my stubby nails and the hope that someone might hear me scream.” I’d feel so much safer if I were able to shoot frantically at someone whom I thought was about to attack me.

Aside from the obvious increase in campus safety that comes with carrying handguns, I’ve thought of a few bonuses that I bet even SCCC hasn’t thought about. So, in an effort to spread the good news, here is my own list of perks:

Allowing concealed carry on campus would save time and money. You probably all remember the article in The Aggie that addressed the horrendous squirrel population problem we have. Apparently these little guys are taking over Davis, and we have resorted to researching squirrel birth control in order to bring the numbers down. Well, if students were allowed to carry weapons – hasta la vista, rodent infestation. Think about it: we wouldn’t need to spend the money or the insane amount of time it would take to find a solution that would take years to show results anyway. Allowing concealed carry gives us a quick fix with ten times less hassle.

UCD would earn a reputation as the birthplace of new fashion trends. As we know, the main reason for wanting to carry a handgun is self-defense and safety. Well, if someone is so concerned about their safety that they would feel the need to carry a weapon to their Econ discussion, they would most certainly be concerned enough to wear a bulletproof vest every day. Kevlar would become the newest trend. Everyone would be sporting it, and eventually it would make its way into the mainstream. Paris will wear it, Perez will talk about it, and Tim Gunn will think it’s fabulous. According to my roommate Emily, whatever Tim says, goes. It’s only a matter of time before Davis is not only known for its success in academia, but for its fashion-forwardness and creative style.

Guns can always be counted on to provide a good distraction. Semi-automatic weapons will replace cell phones. Instead of, “Oops, I forgot to turn my phone off,” it will now be, “Oh darn, I knew I forgot to turn the safety on. Now we have to evacuate the classroom because of my carelessness and the newly formed hole in the ceiling. And right before our midterm, too…”

It will increase general civility and generosity among residents of Davis. I think we can all agree that the world could do with a little more love. If only everyone would treat each other with kindness and courtesy. With concealed carry, I believe we can bring a sense of fear compassion to our campus. People will open doors for each other, not cut other people off while biking and maybe even think before raising their hands in lecture and asking the professor incredibly irrelevant questions that have absolutely nothing to do with the topic we’re currently studying. Let’s be frank – a five-minute spiel about how Lord of the Rings can be compared to the book we’re currently reading probably won’t be on the final.

But ignoring my obvious bitterness about that girl in my English class, I really think we should give concealed carry a try. Hundreds, possibly thousands, of students walking around school with semi-automatic weapons stashed in their backpacks. What’s the worst that could happen?

 

DANIELLE RAMIREZ is actually of the belief that anyone who feels the burning desire to carry pocket-sized killing machines to lecture is off their rocker. To argue for the arming of the mentally unstable, e-mail her at dramirez@ucdavis.edu.

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