Throughout my time in Davis I have encountered many things that grind my gears i.e. things that annoy me (for example: naggers). Hence, I decided to make a top 10 list of things that grinded my gears throughout my stay here. I hope I don’t end up sounding like a grandpa complaining about his retirement center; I just want to share my gear-grinding list with people who may be able to relate.
10. Wellman Hall
People give the Social Science Building (the Death Star) a bad rep for being hard to navigate, but little do they realize Wellman is no different. There is no logical connection between the room numbers and their relative location to other rooms. 95 percent of my classes were at Wellman and I still find my classes by method of “guess and check.”
9. Students who ask what will be on the test
Students rarely ask questions in class in fear of sounding stupid, but ironically, this question still gets asked. I am not referring to questions like, “Will chapter nine be on the final?” Or, “Is the final comprehensive?” I am talking about these: “For the final, will you give us, like, a formula and then, like, tell us what to plug in it?” Or, “What part of the study guide should we study?” College isn’t supposed to be easy – deal with it.
8. Teachers who don’t go over the green sheet
Green sheet day exists to give students an easy transition from vacationing to learning. It pisses me off when teachers don’t waste the first day of classes going over the green sheet and letting the class out early.
7. Frat party bathrooms
During a frat party, guys and girls are forced to share a bathroom together. What bothers me most about this ordeal is the group of girls who think every guy in there is a sexual predator wanting to catch a glimpse of them pissing. They take turns body guarding the stall door as they gaze at me with their evil eye. I end up feeling like an old man walking around Chuck E. Cheese with a big sign that reads, “Hi, I am a pedophile.”
6. People who bring food to class
Soda and chips are fine; I am talking about the heavy stuff. For some reason the smell of food doesn’t sit well in a classroom. People bring in their shitty meatballs from home and hot box the class with a rancid meaty aroma. If you’re going to be eating in class, you better be eating Febreeze.
5. The obsessive-compulsive note takers
If I shot them with a horse tranquilizer they might just function like a normal human being. Every utterance and every chalk scratch is meticulously documented by these busy beavers. I get stressed out just by watching them.
4. The Dining Commons
Eating at the DC is a lose-lose situation. Instead of going to an all-you-can eat sushi buffet, for the same price, you can go to the DC! The problem is: sushi tastes much better than DC food. In order for me to feel like I am getting my money’s worth at the DC, I need to eat way more than a sane doctor would recommend. In the end, I am left with a kicking food baby and a skinnier wallet. No wonder they force freshmen to pay for this.
Racism just grinds my gears like no other.
2. People who call themselves pre-med
UC Davis doesn’t have a pre-med major; therefore, calling yourself pre-med is pointless. To me, it means you’re thinking of applying to med school and that you’re a pretentious ass who probably wants to be a doctor for the social capital.
1. Coho burritos
These burritos are a product of immoral behavior; their creator has broken the golden rule of burrito making: thou shalt make a burrito the way thyself would want a burrito. Clearly, no one would construct a burrito this sloppy for oneself. The burrito’s innards are always segmented into their own section, as opposed to being evenly distributed amongst the other ingredients. If I threw this burrito in the air like a baton, its mid-air spin would resemble that of a half-empty water bottle – that’s unacceptable. This one bugs me the most because I always go back naively thinking, “This time it’s going to be different,” but it never is.
Another thing on LIOR GOTESMAN’s list is people who don’t contact him at email@example.com.