Super Senior,
A guy I met recently asked me out on a date a few weeks ago. I had a great time, but he refuses to get physically close. He hasn’t kissed me and even seems nervous if our arms accidentally touch. I can make the first move, but I don’t know how and I don’t want to; call me old fashioned. He asked me out again this week, what should I do?
Confused and Refused
Sounds like he’s just nervous, so it might be worth learning his relationship history. I know guys who hadn’t kissed a girl until college, and if this is the case with him (or more likely if he just isn’t as experienced and comfortable with girls as other guys his age) then it’s completely possible that he just doesn’t know how to be assertive.
It may also be that in his experience the first date is too soon for a kiss … you never know; some people just didn’t get the memo.
And don’t worry about being “old fashioned,“ guys don’t want girls to make the first move because it’s empowering to women; some just like it that way because the pressure’s off them. But you have to ask yourself; do you want him to kiss you because you actually want to kiss him? Or do you want him to kiss you because you want him to kiss you? The distinction is superficially minor, but underlying it is a deeper question; do you like him, or do you like that he likes you?
There’s always a mix; I like girls who like me a whole lot more, everything else equal, than I like girls who don’t like me. A person’s feelings about you are part and parcel to who they are. But if you feel that he’s not being assertive enough, and you think that he might need a little encouragement, do something small and gentle. Find an opportune time to kiss him on the cheek and walk away for a bit; to take a call, to “use the restroom,“ get some water, say hi to a friend, whatever. Something along those lines will signal that you’re interested, but doesn’t force him to commit to a full game of “Who’s in My Mouth?”
If he has no idea how to respond, or if he fails to capitalize, order the steak and don’t call back.
Super Senior,
I’ve always been a little interested in my ex-boyfriend’s best friend. I just asked for his number and might call him to hang out sometime soon. Is this appropriate behavior?
Bro-ostitute
Guys always talk shit about “bros before hoes,“ but it’s been my experience that the canon doesn’t weather well. And in this case, whether or not it holds up all depends on how you left it with your ex. If it was a shitty break up with lots of bad blood and a “that-baby-don‘t-even-look-like-me,“ then you’re on thin ice. If you broke up amicably, the ice is somewhat thicker.
Eventually your ex will find out about this, and, depending on the nature and recency of your split, his relationship with his friend will be strained to varying degrees. One way to prevent this behind-the-back bargaining is to be upfront and honest: Tell your ex what you’re up to. That way it’s out of your hands, and if he has a problem with it it’s something he can hash out with his buddy.
That said, there’s always the danger that your ex will tell his buddy to keep it in his pants, thus ruining your fun.
So my suggestion is to first tell your ex’s friend when things get romantic that you’d be comfortable if your ex knew. Then, no matter what he says, two days later somehow inform your ex that you’re making the beast with two backs with his best bud. If he didn’t know that already, you then know that your date’s a liar and in one way or another they’ll have to figure out their friendship. But, if he does know, everything’s already cool.
Overall, your duty here is not to maintain their friendship, that’s their job, but don’t actively try to fuck it up either.
Super Senior,
How do you tell your roommates that you want to move out next year without them going apeshit?
Fearful of Primate Feces
In game theory there are phenomena called “endgame effects,“ which basically describe a set of uncooperative behaviors players exhibit when they know the game is about to end. They arise because the potential for reciprocation of cooperation and retribution for being a dick become minimal.
So, if you plan on interacting with your roommates or people who know them in the future, the game is not over, and you should part ways peacefully. I’d suggest telling them outright that you’ve found another living arrangement and you want to experience something new; they’re still cool, but you’ve only got so much time in college and you want to broaden your horizons.
Or you could just tell them you have a highly rare and contagious form of ass herpes. They’ll understand.
Super Senior,
How do you kick out a roommate?
Primate Feces
A highly rare and contagious form of ass herpes.
Super Senior,
What’s the deal with parking permits? Cause, like, it’s raining; and fuck the rain.
Cold, Wet and Angry
If you’re only going to drive to campus when it’s raining, forgo the permit and shell out the six bucks per day and get daily passes.
At $456 a pop, it takes 77 days of parking on campus to justify an annual C permit over daily passes. Assuming 150 school days per year, that means you would have to drive 46 percent of the time. Furthermore, there were only 33 days with rainfall measuring more than a tenth of an inch last school year.
If you’re seriously so lazy and environmentally callous that you want to drive to campus when it’s not raining the additional 44 times necessary to economically justify purchasing a C permit, then you deserve to be cold, wet and angry.
Now, environmental and obesity concerns aside, if you absolutely must drive, don’t buy an annual permit. Instead, buy quarter permits. They’re $124 a piece, which means 21 trips to campus during the 55 day quarter makes it worth your while over daily passes; and if you buy the $76 summer session permit plus all three quarter permits, you save eight bucks off an annual permit.
But the best deals are in the monthly permits for durations over six months. The timing is a bit tricky, but if you buy nine months of passes starting Oct. 1, you save $30 off three straight quarter permits. You would still need to drive on the order of 55 times per year to justify buying these permits over daily passes, but it’s an improvement.
Ultimately, I suggest biking as often as possible and buying daily passes when you just can’t handle the shitstorm.
Or you could take the bus; but seriously, who does that?
K.C. CODY would love nothing more than for you to send any and all questions, comments or concerns to kccody@ucdavis.edu.
