Column: Give up already

Some people have one (or two or three) of these. And some people don’t. But if you do, you know how difficult it is to get rid of. No, I’m not talking about a disease – that’s for another day.

I’m talking about those so-called “crazy” ex-boyfriends and girlfriends who will never let you forget them. No matter what. They send you text messages, make their Facebook statuses about you and even come to your house – uninvited.

The “crazy” ex story has been a topic of conversation among my peers many times. So I have decided to tell you, my faithful readers, about some of the crazy exes I’ve heard of who just won’t give up.

Let’s start with me. My first boyfriend in high school turned out to be quite the wordsmith post break-up. He would call after months of not speaking, just when I thought he was gone for good. It’s like he had ESP or something. Finally, after a couple years of this nonsense, I put my foot down and told him it was over. Oh, and my car was keyed during the post-break up. Coincidence? You decide.

Here’s one from a friend I’ll give the nickname Shhelia Heard. She was in a guy’s room “getting down to business.” A few minutes later, she heard another girl’s voice asking the guy what she did wrong. Shhelia was amused by all of this. Wouldn’t you be?

The guy sent the ex a text telling her to go away. No success. Shhelia started to giggle. The crazy ex heard, and left a hole in the door. Sheelia found it entertaining, but the guy was “sweating bullets thinking he was going to lose his current favorable situation.” Beware of the door-kicking, screaming types.

Here’s a story from Val Entine, another nickname for another friend with a crazy ex story. After deciding to host a singles’ Valentine’s Day party, Val and her roommates borrowed a beer pong table from her ex’s friends. They did the only nice thing and invited the guys, but under the condition her ex wouldn’t come. Two hours into the party, the ex and his friends barged into her apartment to take the table back.

“They threw off the cups full of beer, grabbed it and ran while screaming and laughing like little girls,” Val said.

And there’s a Facebook album to prove it.

Don’t you just love when they call? And call and call. Sometimes they do it when you’re least expecting it. And sometimes they flood your voicemail box. My friend’s ex left her 27 messages (this is not an exaggeration) the night after they broke up.

The first set of messages started off with random noises and crying. Then he created the “I love you” series of messages. These consisted of one message after another with the first saying “I”, the second “love,” and the third “you.” This will really get her back, boys. Not.

Have you ever been followed by an ex? Well, my friend Leighva-girl Alone has. Leighva-girl’s first high school boyfriend-turned-ex followed her to a driver’s ed class one day. He called and left multiple messages asking her why she wouldn’t answer the phone. He was in the parking lot watching her. And described the seat she was sitting in. Leighva-girl almost had to file a restraining order against this “koo koo bananas” ex.

If you have one of these, I’m truly sorry. Hopefully, with time and persistence, this person will get the point and eventually leave you alone.

But if you don’t, then you know not all exes are crazy. There are the nice ones who leave you alone and let you move on with your life. They may want to be friends in the future, but will let you decide when the time is right. Thank these people. They are the ones that care about you.

ERICA BETNUN thanks her lucky stars she has no more crazy exes to deal with. She can be reached at elbetnun@ucdavis.edu.