Friend groups of three can be difficult to maintain, so here’s some advice to fix that
By JHANA RHODES—jsrho@ucdavis.edu
Is it just me, or do trio friendships have a 50-50 chance of working out? Half of the time, everything is excellent. You and your two other friends spend quality time together, create inside jokes and share memories — daily activities that friends do. However, the other half is a Shakespearean play. There are fights, drama and backstabbing; ultimately, someone always ends up being the third wheel.
If I’m being honest, trio friendships aren’t that bad: They just get a bad reputation. Under the right conditions, friend groups of three people can thrive. On the other hand, the reality is that trio friendships aren’t for everyone. If this applies to you, here are some things you should avoid if you want to stay best friends forever.
- Third wheels are great for tricycles, not friendships!
If someone were to tell my younger self that all of my trio friendships would not work out, I wouldn’t have believed you. I was too busy looking for matching friendship necklaces that came in sets of three to think about whether or not my friend group dynamic was practical. Although I believed I had strong friendships back then (strong enough to buy “best friends forever” pendants), I naively overlooked one of the biggest challenges in trio friendships — exclusion.
Exclusion is something that many of us who were always picked last in gym class know extremely well. While the friendship starts off strong, all of a sudden you’re listening to your two friends talk about the sleepover that they had without you. Again, trio friendships are great and can offer a unique blend of perspectives and cultures. However, if you want to maintain those friendships, it’s essential to ensure that you are making everyone in the friendship feel included.
- Communication is key.
Like almost any relationship, conflict is inevitable. Most of the time, when conflict happens, many of us (including myself) just let it go and never bring it up, hoping that the problem will disappear. However, not addressing conflict is one of the worst things you can do for your friendships. Even though they may be small problems, eventually those problems will stack up, and sooner or later, your trio could become a dyad.
Luckily for you, there is an easy fix. The quickest way to solve interpersonal conflict is to address it — you don’t even have to be a communication major to do it! If you’re feeling left out, talk about it. Your friend told you that they didn’t like your skinny jeans? Talk about it! Addressing your problems with your friends is a great way to understand each other’s points of view.
- If it wasn’t meant for you, let it go.
This bit of advice may be controversial, but it must be said. Many of us, including myself, hold on to friendships even when we know they aren’t good for us. Despite knowing that we aren’t being treated well, we often feel obligated to stay because of history together. It’s so important to understand that you deserve better than that. Surround yourself with friends who uplift you just as much as you uplift them.
I’m sure many of you reading this have experienced or are currently in successful trio friendships. However, there are many of us who just seem to be unlucky when it comes to choosing friends. Whether you’ve found success with them or not, trio friendships can teach us a lot about ourselves — how to act in friendships and how we handle conflict. At the end of the day, you should always remember to prioritize building positive and healthy relationships founded upon mutual understanding and communication.
Written by: Jhana Rhodes— jsrho@ucdavis.edu
Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed by individual columnists belong to the columnists alone and do not necessarily indicate the views and opinions held by The California Aggie.
