If settling feels like a sin, then perfection is an idol
By NEVAEH KARRAKER— nakarraker@ucdavis.edu
The perfect school. The perfect career. The perfect home. The perfect partner.
Most influencers on social media post about their surplus of accomplishments and their outlandish income. No matter the type of perfect we see on social media, we all strive to acquire the best possible things in life, and understandably so: If someone else can have that, surely I can, too, right?
Over time, our standards and expectations evolve. The list of what we want grows longer, and the way we want our life to look feels more serene and unreachable. Ironically, while social media encourages us to never settle, it rarely shows us the full picture of all the turmoil and setbacks experienced in the quest for perfection.
We often see adorable videos paired with a cliche “Pinegrove” song, of partners singing “Happy Birthday” while being served breakfast in bed or a student getting accepted into their dream internship. These wholesome posts all have one motivational caption: “Don’t settle.” Influencers encourage their viewers to exercise perseverance and resilience for what they truly want, whether it’s in their relationship, career or their life goals; It’s a gentle reminder that everyone has self-worth and value, which should guide our decisions.
Yet, the use of this term poses a risk of setting expectations that are unrealistically high. While immediately accepting the first opportunity that comes our way may not be the most beneficial action if it doesn’t align with our goals, we also have to be careful not to dismiss every imperfect option out of fear of settling and missing out. There’s a fine line between knowing your own worth and chasing a level of perfection that doesn’t exist.
When it comes to relationships, we have to hold ourselves to the same standards at which we hold others. Since no one is perfect, including us, we can’t expect to be with a partner that never makes mistakes and always makes us happy. When it comes down to it, accountability goes both ways.
At the same time, this doesn’t mean staying in a toxic relationship or ignoring clear incompatibilities. Those in a relationship should be rooted in shared morals, not forged merely out of convenience. You certainly shouldn’t sacrifice your core values, but it is equally important to have realistic expectations.
This mindset doesn’t just apply to relationships; It affects many other aspects of our lives. Sometimes, this pursuit of perfection leads us to sabotage our own progress, causing us to put our goals on hold as we endlessly wait for the perfect thing that’s missing. In reality, everything requires a level of sacrifice.
We fear making the wrong choices and experiencing a sense of failure or regret. However, we need to accept that trying and failing at doing what you love is better than failing doing the thing you hate. This is why a growth mindset is essential — life is brimming with opportunities, even though not all of them will turn out how we imagined them to be.
Each closed door is a redirection; Success rarely comes from perfect timing but instead from learning how to pivot, a willingness to grow and the experience of joy from where we currently are. None of us will have that perfect life we desire, and that’s okay. Each one of us was born with different preferences, goals and values — but that’s exactly what makes our journeys so unique and enthralling.
Rather than succumbing to something that goes against our nature or chasing unattainable ideals, maybe a new approach needs to be adopted: one of gratitude — a strong antidote to perfectionism. Appreciating where we came from and who supported us along the way tethers us to reality. When we learn to value the present moment, peace comes.
In the end, the decisions we make, regardless of whether they’re the correct one, will ultimately lead us to exactly where we need to be.
Written by: Nevaeh Karraker—nakarraker@ucdavis.edu
Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed by individual columnists belong to the columnists alone and do not necessarily indicate the views and opinions held by The California Aggie.
