Love is on the way
By THE EDITORIAL BOARD — opinion@theaggie.org
‘Tis the season of love and loneliness. From the recently broken-hearted and the long-jaded bachelors to the hopeful lovebirds and delusional yearners, each Valentine’s Day ushers in a complex slew of emotions. No matter how you are feeling as the holiday approaches, rejoice in knowing that whatever you are experiencing, you are not alone.
Whether the holiday is riddled with thorns or adorned with rose petals, your fellow Aggies are searching for the ultimate love advice. Under pseudonyms, each member of the Editorial Board has compiled the perfect tips for each anonymous inquirer. Read on for the answers to all of your burning questions:
Boyfriend Material:
“How do I ask a girl to be my girlfriend without it sounding awkward? Every iteration of the question that I can think of just sounds so cringy, I almost can’t bring myself to say it. Is it possible to ask in a way that sounds cool and suave? I figured if anyone would have a good answer, it would be writers, so please help me out.”
— Boyfriend Material
Dear Boyfriend Material,
Maybe this isn’t exactly the advice you wanted to hear, but I think a huge part of getting into romantic situations is learning how to withstand making yourself cringe sometimes. There is no perfect turn of phrase that will make the situation less awkward as long as you feel awkward about it in your own head. Love is great, but it’s also humbling — that’s part of what makes it feel so vulnerable and scary at times — and sometimes to get to the end point we want, we have to say things that sound cringe, but really aren’t. Literally asking the question “Will you be my girlfriend?” isn’t cringe — it’s definitely the thought of yourself saying those words that is making you feel like it is.
You need to let yourself feel what you feel in order to be happy, and a huge part of that is getting over the cringe and just saying what you want to say. If this person is worth your time and wants to be in a relationship with you, it won’t matter how you ask or what words you say. If you’re really feeling nervous, set up a romantic situation and let your actions speak for you — you could even buy flowers and write the big question on a note, if you really can’t bring yourself to say it.
That being said, I think you should say it; it’s a good exercise in letting yourself be romantic and learning to grow comfortable with yourself in that setting. It will feel less and less cringe once you realize: a) everyone who dates has to say one of the ‘will you be’ or ‘can I be’ lines for the relationship to start, b) it will more than likely be reciprocated and then you’ll be too happy to remember why you thought it was cringe to begin with and c) we comfortably become versions of ourselves that not-in-love us would think are cringe — but once we are, it feels natural. Don’t overthink it: No matter how you ask, think of the end results instead of about yourself saying the words. It’ll be worth it!
Love,
A cool and suave writer
20-year-old Virgin:
“I feel like, compared to my peers, I’m incredibly inexperienced. I haven’t hit any of the relationship or romantic milestones that most people have in high school, and I’m well into college. It’s hard when I hear my roommates and friends and classmates talking about sex when I haven’t even had my first kiss. Have I missed my window of opportunity? How can I either get over this FOMO, or put myself out there?”
— 20-year-old virgin
Dear 20-year-old virgin,
While friends and foes alike seem to have it all figured it out, this road is not as untrodden as it may seem. I, too, was once a 20-year-old virgin and thus, feel exceptionally qualified to give advice on all matters related to courtship. While I may be writing in ancient speech, you possess much more youth than that of my script. Internet culture and social pressure create false urgency — so-called ‘rites of passage,’ like teenage romance and university dalliances, are arbitrary hallmarks of a life well-lived and youth well-spent.
Therein lies the crux of romantic insecurity. I’d sit here with my ink and quill to remind you of how young you are — you are an overflowing fountain of youth! — but that strays from my point. Love is not synonymous with youth. There is no time limit on romantic milestones, and as one of the many blessings of free will, you reserve the right to experience the years of your life as you please. Date, or don’t date. Kiss, or don’t kiss. Have sex, or don’t have sex.
In all my infinite wisdom, assessing one’s true feelings and readiness is most important. There’s a difference between wanting to try something new and feeling pressured to meet an expectation — whether it’s set by you or the people around you. Romantic love is not the barometer of human connection, and there are lords and ladies in the land who have belles and beaus a plenty, but who wish for simple companionship or self-discovery.
If you want to give romance a try: Dabble with dating apps (even if you never take it further than creating an account), exist in public spaces when you can (choose the coffee shop over your bedroom or the park bench over your couch) and say yes when romantic opportunities arise (or ask them out yourself). You, brave knight, can meet someone at any time and will take the plunge when the moment feels right.
Soldier on,
21-year-old virgin
Heart Hater:
I’m fed up with Valentine’s Day. I just got broken up with, and I can’t stand seeing all of this lovey-dovey stuff all around. Yes, I’m bitter because I’m still not over my ex, but it all just feels like salt in the wound. Galentine’s day feels like a cop out, it just makes me feel worse, like I’m more focused on all of it. How can I cope? I just want to get through this season, but it’s so hard to ignore how much it hurts.
— Heart Hater
Dear Heart Hater,
Tell me about it. For me, it was right before Halloween — with every couple’s costume I saw, the more murderous I became. I wish I could tell you there’s one magical day that you wake up and feel like all is right with the world, but there’s nothing worse than a comforting lie. So, how are you possibly supposed to survive the overbearingly romance-filled February?
The worst thing you can do is completely ignore your feelings. The more you bottle them up, the easier it is to be set-off by the smallest reminders of your ex-partner. It’s okay to miss them, and it’s even healthier to acknowledge the frustration and sadness you feel — journal, write a letter you’ll never send, tell a friend about it and then tell another friend about it. You don’t have to force yourself to feel better, and you don’t have to force yourself to act like Cupid’s second coming this Valentine’s Day.
Coping isn’t full-proof, but there’s a few things you could try. If you haven’t already, it’s time to embrace your favorite break-up songs and movies (if it’s your first break-up, you can rejoice in the fact that you now have an entirely new repertoire of media to relate to). Trade out a classic rom-com watch this Saturday for “Someone Great” (2019), “Oh Hi!” (2025) or “John Tucker Must Die” (2006). Thinking long-term, my favorite piece of advice is to pick up a hobby or routine that has no connection to your ex whatsoever: try morning yoga, a new Craft Center workshop, weeknight trivia with friends or anything else that might bring a smile to your face instead of a heartsick reminder.
I’ll agree that right now, there’s still nothing worse than seeing a happy couple. But as time goes on, hopefully the smiles they’re sharing are ones you can still find on your own face while talking with your friends, watching a trashy TV series, enjoying a good meal or celebrating a new success. Whatever you choose to do to heal will be the right call — unless it’s one to your ex. And it’s always okay to stay a bit bitter.
We’re in this together,
Healing Hater
Frat Flu:
“I went to this frat guy’s house, he love-bombed me, told me all about his family, but then once he got what he wanted, he refused to give me my stuff back. This all happened in one night — I know all about his siblings, I’ve seen photos of his entire extended family, I know why his parents aren’t together, and even though I confronted him in person (cussed him out) and even though his friends are on my side, he texted me once complimenting my outfit and then ghosted me and refuses to give back my stuff. What can I do in this situation?”
— Frat flu
Dear Frat Flu,
Looks like you’ve gotten yourself into quite the predicament! I’m sure I don’t need to tell you that we won’t be speaking to this guy ever again…. Nobody deserves to be love-bombed, ghosted and robbed of their belongings. I have a few different pathways of action for you:
1) Having his friends on your side is a great first start. If you are able to, covertly reach out to one of his friends (someone you confidently know is 100% on your side), send them a detailed description of the items you need returned and set up a meeting where the exchange can happen. Make sure the meeting place is public, and bring a friend with you; safety is a No. 1 priority.
2) If Option 1 is not possible, your next step is to send a formal demand letter for your items. Maintain a professional tone throughout, summarize the compensation you seek (in this case, either the return of your items or monetary compensation), provide a timeline for when you expect a response and send it both digitally and in printed letter form to the fraternity in question. This may scare the guy into giving back your stuff, without the need to file a case in small claims court (which is the next step in the process that involves a bunch of legal stuff I’m certain you aren’t keen to partake in).
Some parting words of encouragement: If all fails, remember that you are a strong, capable person. Life happens sometimes, and often we lose things that are meaningful to us that we are never able to get back. Take this experience to heart, and move forward with confidence and a greater understanding of the deceptive ways in which men operate. I wish you all the best, and would love an update on whether you are able to get your things back. <3
xoxo,
Someone who has never been to a frat :3
Wannabe Girlfriend:
“I’ve been sort of seeing this guy for like 6 or 7 months now, but it’s just been purely a situationship. No label, no dtr conversations or anything, but we more or less act like we’re dating. I know that I’m interested in making it into an actual relationship, but I don’t know how to initiate that. I’ve been waiting for so long now, is he ever going to make a move? Should I keep waiting? Should I talk to him about it? I’m afraid that if I do, I’ll ruin what we have. Like, wouldn’t he have asked me to actually date by now if he wanted to?”
— Wannabe Girlfriend
Dear Wannabe Girlfriend,
I know this advice may be easier said than done, but I think it might be exactly what you need to hear! Have the conversation and tell him how you feel. Don’t second-guess yourself: If you want more than what is happening now, then tell him that. I know it may seem scary but you will never know unless you try.
If you already act like you are a couple, chances are that he may already think you guys are dating and that he just never needed to ask. If you really want the label, then have the DTR conversation and see what happens. Chances are, since you also have not brought it up, he may think that you do not want a label and he’s avoiding making it weird.
You could always frame it in a way that isn’t like an ultimatum but more like a conversation: For example, by asking, “What are your thoughts on us with spring break coming up?” With Valentine’s Day coming up, now is the perfect time to tell him what you want and how you feel. Best of luck to you and we hope it goes well!
XOXO,
DTR enthusiast
Obsessed with ur ex:
My boyfriend’s recent ex is way hotter than me — skinnier, prettier face, all of it. It makes me so insecure, and even though I know they broke up for a reason, I can’t help but be jealous. How can I get over this and just enjoy my relationship?
— Obsessed with ur ex
Dear obsessed with your ex,
It’s easy to get caught up in comparison, but at the end of the day, you have to be confident with yourself. Not only that, but he chose you for a reason. Your boyfriend wants to be with you because of all the things that make you yourself. Instead of dwelling on the negatives, focus on the positives. Make a list of your favorite things about yourself, and repeat positive affirmations in the mirror. As cliche as it sounds, you can’t change your appearance, but you can change how you feel about yourself.
You are confident and beautiful!
Xoxo,
Love is embarrassing
Thank u, next:
I’ve been in an on-again-off-again FWB/situationship for a few months now, but I’ve recently met someone else who I really like. I feel like it would be disrespectful to both of them to keep in contact with my situationship, since I want to (and lowkey intend to) pursue this new person. How can I end things with my situationship without hurting them? Or how can I figure this out/explain things so nobody gets hurt?
— Thank u, next
Dear Thank u, next,
I think you already know what you have to do. As much as it feels like it sucks, the best thing you can do is be upfront and honest with both of them. It’s the responsible thing to do to be transparent, don’t leave your situationship to think that they still have a chance with you if you’ve already broken things off with them in your head. In their shoes, wouldn’t you rather know when the relationship was dead, instead of wasting time postmortem believing it to still have a heartbeat? If they really like you, it might hurt. But it’ll hurt more if you let them continue to grow attached only to dissolve the illusion later on.
Don’t you think your new person deserves your undivided loyalty? It’ll take an uncomfortable conversation, but it’s worth it. Dragging it out will also prevent you from truly exploring what you could have with the new person. If, in the back of your mind, you’re still holding space for your situationship, you’ll never be able to fully invest in your new relationship. Out of respect for yourself, your new person and your situationship, just rip the Band-Aid off.
XOXO,
break up with your girlfriend, i’m bored
Lonely Anon:
I have never been in a relationship and I struggle making friends, how do I put myself out there to meet someone? I am already in some clubs, but I don’t have any close friends to go to stuff with.
— Lonely anon
Dear Lonely Anon,
Fear not! It takes a long time to build a close, trusting relationship (either platonically or romantically) with anyone, and you can’t rush that sort of thing. The first step is, of course, meeting someone, and there are plenty of ways to do this. Joining clubs that correspond to your interests is a great start, but that may not be enough — you have to make an effort to get to know someone if you want to get closer to them. If that scares you, that’s okay, because you’re not alone! Try to think of some easy conversation starters beforehand (for example: compliment them, introduce yourself, ask a question related to wherever you’re meeting them, etc.).
You also can’t force something that isn’t meant to be, either, as heartbreaking as it is — you’re not going to mesh well with everyone, and it’s important to know when it’s time to move on from someone who may not be reciprocating your efforts. If you do find yourself hitting it off with someone and you want to get to know them better, ask them to grab coffee or study with you sometime and see where things go from there. If the clubs just aren’t cutting it for you, you can also strike up conversations with other students in classes, try different apps for meeting people or ask friends to introduce you to other people. Best of luck!
Warm wishes,
Social Butterfly
Written by: The Editorial Board — opinion@theaggie.org
