Column: Trust me

I’m taking it upon myself to review one of the latest and greatest albums to grace Mother Earth this past week. Now, don’t think that I’m depriving my writers by stealing this opportunity from them; I’m almost 100 percent sure that none of them would’ve wanted to talk about this subject anyway.

But let’s get back to the most important subject at hand: my review of the band that is set to replace one of the most influential and inspiring artists of the 2000s. And I’m not talking about Ke$ha.

Let’s just say that this unreleased album magically appeared in my iTunes a matter of weeks ago. It wasn’t exactly a pain to have this album on repeat; I can honestly say that I’ve listened to every song at least 20 times. You can trust me when I say this:

One Direction, as a whole, is the new Justin Bieber. Whoa whoa whoa, you say. A group of boys from the UK will all of a sudden take over American teen hearts overnight? Yes, I respond in my British accent, mimicking the new and improved Justin Bieber-esque hair flip that I memorized from the beautiful Harry Styles.

It’s not an obsession. I don’t necessarily call myself a “Directioner” as those prepubescent girls identify with. Their flawless faces currently occupy my computer background, and my ringtone is currently one of their 15 glorious tracks on their newly released album, Up All Night. Whatever. The average age of this band is, like, 19 anyway. No shame.

At this point, you can probably tell that I’m not the best at writing very objective reviews of anything. In the rare case that you read my Allen Stone concert review a couple of months ago, I have a tendency to compare talented people’s voices to Fergie and Jesus (but that’s just because they’re that good!).

In all seriousness, you have to check out this group of guys. If you’re of the female species, your friends have probably already been screeching about this band for the past week (or year, if you’re a true fan). But that’s not to say that this band doesn’t provide anything for the male species; these boys have fashion and hair sense like nobody’s business.

With “What Makes You Beautiful” as the single most addicting and catchy song I’ve ever heard, the album starts off on a ridiculously promising note. You can catch this new wave of One Direction fever by opening up a “1D” appreciation blog and slowly realizing that these boys are not only the most attractive things you’ve seen since Jeremy Sumpter in Peter Pan, but also that they can actually sing.

And now for the part of my column where I try to redeem myself and prove that I’m not some insane, hormone-driven teenage girl. In fact, I’m not even in my teens anymore, okay? I’m just an adult who finds herself obsessed with everything that her younger sister is into.

One Direction’s music serves as the perfect almost-spring-break soundtrack, providing addicting sounds and beautiful harmonies by a group mentored by the one and only Simon Cowell. The group is made up of five talented men, Niall Horan, Zayn Malik, Liam Payne, Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson, and unfortunately they finished third on the television show that brought them all together. I’m pretty sure they don’t care, as their album was the fastest-selling debut album in the UK of 2011.

Do yourself a favor and just accept that these guys will be on your iPods in a matter of minutes. Let’s enjoy this new obsession before our teenage siblings realize that they exist and we have to pretend that we hate them.

In all honesty, this band is a refreshing break from the constant Pitbull and Rihanna on the radio. Perhaps they symbolize the reintroduction of boy bands into our culture. Being a ’90s kid, I can’t say that I’m not excited. Let me just break out my all-denim outfit that matches perfectly with the ones that Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake donned on the red carpet way back when.

To obtain links to Harry Style’s leaked nudes and reasons why they should be used as your desktop backgrounds, contact ELIZABETH ORPINA at arts@theaggie.org.