Opinion

There is an increasing clamor for the bureaucratization of college education. For many, globalization reemphasizes the demand for technical expertise. To thrive in the current economic mode is to attain the very specific skill sets employers require - to the extent that "a humanities education," as the New York Times reports, "may become "a great luxury that many cannot afford." The oft-cited resolution is simply to shift the focus of college education to align with global economic patterns.

This approach ignores the fundamental premise of a college education.

Sometimes I'm not sure what I'm doing with my life. I'm not talking about one of those quarter-life crises that so many of you insist on having where you trip balls about what you're gonna do for a living or something depressing like that. I'm sure some of you know what it's like to be sitting in class and wondering why you're getting an education at an accredited university when you could be cussing out paparazzi or taking a baseball bat to something expensive just because. Damn, it must feel good to be a rock star.

It takes a special kind of human being to get away with getting drunk and biting strangers on the leg in Swedish hotels. Some people are just destined from early on to lead lives of chaotic insanity. Like Anthony Kiedis, who lost his virginity at the age of 12 to his father's 18-year-old girlfriend. With permission, of course. Mick Jagger also once stated that he did it at 12 with two girls in a garden shed.

With pen and paper in hand, three students went to a bookstore on the Harvard University campus in the fall of 2007. They were there not to buy books, but to take down the ISBNs of textbooks being sold in the store. When they were asked to leave, they refused, and police were called to diffuse the situation.

The students were collecting ISBNs to put on a website they had created to make it easier for other students to find the cheapest textbooks online. The incident highlighted the struggle students face in trying to combat the high cost of textbooks, a problem that has been acknowledged by virtually everyone in the higher education world.

This morning I was watching a Pussycat Dolls music video and - no, don't leave! Wait! I promise, this is not the intellectual capacity of this column!

So I was watching this video with what appears to consist of five strippers telling me to "loosen up their buttons," and I was thinking to myself, are you coming on to me?

Did anyone else catch that sermon President Obama gave the other day? It was cleverly disguised as a commencement speech for the graduating class of Notre Dame. On May 17, amidst complaints and protests from Notre Dame alumni and other Catholics, Barack Obama received an honorary degree and gave such a moving, passionate speech that I honestly felt like I was sitting in church just by watching it on YouTube.

Many of us are conditioned from the get-go that going to college is the key to success. If you work hard and get your undergraduate degree, then you are on the fast track to livin' the good life. This is America, damn it, and we can be whatever we want to be.

Well, this is indeed America, but what those in the graduating class of 2009 likely failed to account for in their collective dreams was graduating amidst the hail of the worst economic storm since the Great Depression.

Well my minions, with just two more columns to go, I feel like I have so much left to say. Alas, after writing many advice columns, I've decided that this one will be my last, "How to …" article.

I've realized that over the years, my columns usually revolve around some aspect of a shitty relationship (I suppose because it's so easy to obtain one). But with one last piece of advice to give, I want to leave on an optimistic note about the one thing I know a little bit about (but not by choice of course) - and that is how to be so awesomely single.

As college students, we're often forced to endure difficult situations that we would rather simply avoid, postpone or ignore.

We can all imagine how much easier our lives would be if turning our back on an especially rough midterm and running for the hills without consequence were considered a viable option. Unfortunately, our society has taught us the importance of personal accountability, and we know that such reckless inaction and negligence would be catastrophic when it came to impacting our public image.

Much like the secret menu at In-N-Out, sometimes you have to be "in-the-know" to get the full benefits of things. Granted, you're not exactly cognizant of what you're missing, but those with the information understand how much better life is with animal and protein styles. The same goes for the secret menu at Jamba Juice (though I'm partial to the old classics), and even more for the things on campus that you have to be aware of to enjoy.

So last week I promised to give you some reporter tips, and here they are!

When last we left our hero (you), you had developed a story idea that an editor of a publication you're aware of would want to print in their fine publication. What's next?

The American Way has never been the only way - it's just taught like it is. Inherent and obvious flaws in American capitalism have bred in the wealthiest 1 percent a paranoid fear of an alternative economic system having any kind of success. After attempting to stop the Russian Revolution of 1917, this country's owners decided to do all they could to run Soviet Communism into the ground.

So the United States tortures. I guess what I'm trying to understand is why that's even news. The United States tortures? Fuck yeah we torture! We're the world's lone super-power with the most expansive espionage apparatus the world has ever seen.

Super Senior,

So I've got a date lined up this weekend, and she wants to watch a movie. The catch is that she's making me pick one, but we haven't been dating long and I've got no idea what to go with. Any suggestions?

- Ghost of Siskel

There are tons of relationship tips lurking around in places like magazines, books, the Internet and just about everyone you know. With this overabundance of tips, it is no surprise that some of them aren't really true. Below, I have listed four myths regarding what it takes to create a healthy relationship and what they should be instead.

Even in political asylum John Edwards cannot stop stealing the limelight. Earlier last week a federal investigation was launched against him for the potential abuse of public funds during his presidential election. His wife Elizabeth is currently promoting her book Resilience about the personal travails she underwent while her husband committed infidelity. For the man who seems almost politically irrelevant, the image of the smiling politician seems pretty alive in public consciousness.

But perhaps the most surprising reaction to his infidelity is their very ferocity.