For someone who has never gone on Houseboats™ before, things can get pretty scary. Even though people say the scariest part is the literal possibility of death, they’re all wrong. Any seasoned houseboater knows that the scariest part is feeling like your houseboat isn’t a homeboat. Luckily, The California Aggie has conducted some in-depth Houseboats™ research.
Here are some hot tips on how you can make your houseboat feel like a homeboat and have an unforgettable time:
- Bring all your worldly possessions. Nothing makes the boat feel more homey than bringing literally everything you own. The couch from your living room could be a good start, or even a coaster.
- Never drink water. Show your friends how edgy you are by taking approximately zero sips of water the entire weekend. You’ll be a legend if you survive and a cautionary tale if you don’t. It’s pretty much a win-win.
- If you must drink water, drink Shasta Lake Water™. Our studies show lake water is the second most refreshing drink on Earth, right after Four Loko.
- When you get to the island, collect a bunch of #rare sharp rocks as a neat souvenir! If you cut your hand, you get extra points for being rad.
- This tip is genderless: Come dressed in a full tuxedo to show how committed to classiness you are for the weekend.
- Skip going on a houseboat all together, and bring your own authentic canoe from home to the lake. Everyone will be so jealous.
With these tips, you’re sure to have a weekend of comfort and relaxation, and the houseboat will feel like a homeboat in no time.
Written by: Lara Loptman — lrloptman@ucdavis.edu Twitter: @lllawra
(This article is humor and/or satire, and its content is purely fictional. The story and the names of “sources” are fictionalized.)
