No, they don’t have the major class you need. Have you considered “Zombies Civil Rights”?
A Spring Quarter slowly draws to a close, you might be thinking that your last day of Zoom lectures is near. Do not despair, however, for there remains another chance to pretend your microphone has stopped working: summer sessions.
Lucky for you, we’ve sifted through the myriad of courses offered and we’ll now present you with a roundup of the best classes to take while daydreaming about the simplicity of 2012’s impending Armageddon.
Summer Session I:
- Cinema & Digital Media 002 – How to Cope With the Death of Your Favorite Character
- Political Science 103 – Cyberbullying Ted Cruz
- Course Credit Limitation: Only two units of credit for those students who have completed Cyberbullying Lindsay Graham.
- Religious Studies 048 – The Flying Spaghetti Monster
- Communications 162 – How to Avoid Talking to Your Homophobic Aunt
- Description: Standard diversion tactics, faking static on the telephone and miming an unspecified emergency that requires your immediate attention.
- Sociology 120 – Avoiding Social Pressure to Watch Anime
- Description: Not watching “Attack on Titan” is your constitutional right. May be taught abroad.
- Chemistry/Psychology 008 – Mandatory Therapy for Students Taking Organic Chemistry
- Linguistics 019 – Elementary Klingon
- Description: The class that says, “My parents are working hard to pay for my education and I do not care.”
Summer Session II:
- Films Studies 045 – Twilight
- Workload Units: Eight.
- English 177 – Study of an Individual Author: Your TA’s Edgy Poetry
- Education 103 – Perfecting the “I Don’t Know, Can You?”
- Nutrition 100 – Cooking the Appropriate Amount of Spaghetti
- Description: Those weird portion gadgets are for the weak.
- Political Science 118 – Is Humanity Doomed? Yes.
- Course Materials: TikTok, that movie they made out of a Wattpad story, the U.S. Constitution.
- Philosophy 035 – Veganism is Immoral, Embrace Cannibalism
- Geology 130 – Licking Rocks
- Description: The Rolling Stones, crystal meth and Pop Rocks not included.
- Communications 180 – Are You Mad at Me?
- Viticulture & Enology 070 – Explaining Your Major to Other People
- Spanish 025 – Just the Curse Words
Written by: Annabel Marshall — firstname.lastname@example.org
Disclaimer: (This article is humor and/or satire, and its content is purely fictional. The story and the names of “sources” are fictionalized.)