If you’re feeling anxious about graduation, you’re not alone
By JHANA RHODES—jsrho@ucdavis.edu
Ever since I submitted my graduation application, apprehension has followed me around like a younger sibling. It’s singing loudly when I’m trying to write an essay, it’s the back seat driver when I’m driving home and, just when I think I’ve gotten a moment to myself, it’s there again asking me: “What are you going to do after you graduate?”
If life were perfect, this question would be easy to answer. I would’ve said that on weekdays, I plan on living in a rent-controlled apartment on the Upper East Side, and on the weekends, I’m sipping cosmopolitans somewhere in the Hamptons. However, not everyone can be a main character in “Sex and The City.” Therefore, until I get three wishes, I’m entering the New Year with more fear and doubt than I’ve ever had before.
When I was younger, applying for college — let alone graduating from it — seemed so far away. From running my wood-chip-and-sand restaurant to playing pretend as a mermaid at my local community pool, I was too busy to realize that I would have to grow up one day.
Though I am older now, on days when apprehension gets the best of me, I find it hard not to reminisce about my childhood. My whole life has been centered around the expectation of pursuing an education. I spent 12 years in public school, went to college, dropped out, then went back to college and, now, here I am in my second-to-last quarter at UC Davis, terrified of what’s to come.
Don’t get me wrong, I am ecstatic to finally be done with school. I won’t have to wake up at 7 a.m. just to sit in uncomfortable chairs through a two-hour lecture. I won’t have to take a “midterm” every two weeks. And — something I’m pleased about — no more dodging bicycles. However, deep down, I know that the things I’m leaving behind now are the same things I will miss when I have to go.
Now that I think about it, there was a time when I was scared to start a new life at UC Davis. I was terrified to apply, and when I got into UC Davis, I was afraid to move over 300 miles away from home. The point is, I don’t think there will ever be a time in my life when I’m not afraid of the future.
It’s natural human instinct to be wary of what’s uncertain. It’s our mind’s way of protecting and preparing ourselves for potential threats. But, even if it’s scary, it shouldn’t stop us from accomplishing our goals.
My fear sometimes makes me want to completely shut down, run away and hide. In the past, I haven’t applied to jobs, traveled places or even gone out to see certain friends because I was afraid of something unexpected happening. When I think about life after graduating, I often think about everything that can go wrong. What if I don’t get the job I wanted? What if I don’t make any friends? What if I don’t graduate at all? So many questions are ruminating in my head, and I never seem to have the answers to them. However, I can’t let my fears stop me — if I don’t try and see what’s out there, I’ll never know what good can come from it.
Short story long, if you’re graduating soon and have been feeling the same way I have, here’s some unsolicited advice. You don’t need to have your whole life figured out right now — even if you don’t have all of the answers, you’ll figure it out sooner or later. But until the day comes when you have to wear a cap and gown again, you have worked hard, so give yourself a pat on the back.
Written by: Jhana Rhodes— jsrho@ucdavis.edu
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