Exploring how the art of longing for someone can make our lives better
By SABRINA FIGUEROA — sfigueroaavila@ucdavis.edu
I’ll admit it: I’m a hopeless romantic. It comes from years of watching romantic comedies and listening to love songs where stories of couples coming together play out — or don’t. No matter the end result, they usually explore the longing desire to be with someone or a genuine appreciation and care for someone.
After reading and watching “Pride and Prejudice” and “Atonement” (nobody does period-drama better than Kiera Knightly) in high school, my life was forever changed. These stories raised my bar for romantic relationships, so imagine my frustration when I stepped into the modern dating scene.
Maybe I’m around the wrong people, but I’ve noticed that a common reaction to anything surrounding dating — or caring about others in general — has been to completely detach yourself from any kind of feeling. Hook-up culture and the rise of horrid dating apps have reinforced this, and they may even be the cause of many college “situationships” (if you’re in one right now, STAND UP!). The flirtatious, sometimes tension-filled start of romantic relationships, genuine crushes that leave you feeling giddy or even the experiences of pining after someone are so rare now. Even worse, the bar for what makes those fun beginnings is so low that it’s in hell.
The truth is that I’m sick of it. I had a friend who told me she had to act nonchalant with people she had a crush on and people she wanted to be friends with; otherwise, it’d feel like she was chasing, not attracting. News flash: She did not feel great after those interactions because nobody got the hint that she wanted to form a connection with them. But if you don’t show you care — either in a big way or a small way — you can’t expect people to read your mind.
Yearning is still around, we just don’t seem to show it. The point is to do just that, even if you get rejected or broken up with. It can manifest even after those things happen, but the key is to acknowledge and express it even so. It may come off as hatred, sorrow, adoration — any strong emotion — and that’s okay.
To feel is inherent to our nature, and we shouldn’t have to act like it’s not. It’s scary and odd at times, but if you allow yourself to wallow or even act on it, it will pass. Maybe something good will even come out of it.
We wouldn’t have gotten most songs on Jeff Buckley’s album “Grace” if it weren’t for his heartbreak or the feelings he had for someone. Thank God he was chalant. We also wouldn’t have “Bags” by Clairo if she had simply acted like she didn’t care after whatever happened with the person she wrote the song about. Some of the most relatable, soul-crushing art and life lessons can come from yearning, caring, love and romance — both past and present.
Perhaps if more people brought this feeling back to the dating sphere, all of our bars would rise and some of our relationships would be more fulfilling. We could allow it to turn into real romance or love if we let it, instead of pushing it down. Wouldn’t it be better to genuinely feel and be wanted — both yearning for someone and someone yearning for you — than be in a “Will they, won’t they?” (they won’t) situation forever? It may be that I’m just too much of a hopeless romantic, or maybe it’s society that isn’t enough of one.
Written by: Sabrina Figueroa — sfigueroaavila@ucdavis.edu
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