Sorry, I don’t make the rules —- or the drinks
By ALLISON KELEHER — adkeleher@ucdavis.edu
Animal Biology: Iced milk.
Geology: Coffee on the rocks (translation for non-geology majors: iced coffee).
Managerial Economics: Small hot latte (only ordered for a networking event).
Mechanical Engineering: Vanilla frappe (doesn’t like coffee) but washes it down with an energy drink for caffeine.
History: Hot cappuccino with a day-old pastry (historical).
Linguistics: Medium iced oat latte with one pump of vanilla (wordy order).
Design: Refuses to order Peet’s and opts for aesthetically pleasing coffee from downtown.
Genetics: Doesn’t order anything but finishes off a friend’s drink to get some extra DNA from the saliva.
Economics: Takes too long to order because they can’t determine which drink would give them the most utility.
Environmental science: Hot matcha latte (closest thing to drinking the environment).
Communications: Too indecisive when ordering so just gets what a friend got.
Nutrition: Small hot herbal tea.
Microbiology: Iced matcha latte with oat milk (for the gut health, obvs).
NPB: Iced spinal fluid.
Cow: Matcha frappe, extra whipped cream.
Written by: Allison Keleher — adkeleher@ucdavis.edu
Disclaimer: (This article is humor and/or satire, and its content is purely fictional. The story and the names of “sources” are fictionalized.)
