Opinion

The first person to coin the expression "can't live with them, can't live without them" must've had some serious man troubles. When it comes to men, this phrase goes hand-in-hand better than Paris and Nicole (circa "The Simple Life").

I like to impress people. One of the easiest ways to do this is to flaunt how ghetto my possessions are. You know, that smug satisfaction you get when someone makes a big deal about how ugly your lime-green shag carpet is? Or the pride you feel when your guitar isn't merely dinged up, but the most pitiful five-stringed object your friends have ever laid eyes on?

When a girl asks you what you really think of her, lie.

I am a living contradiction. I may intend to do one thing, but the exact opposite will occur. I may think I can get up 10 minutes before class starts and arrive on time, but the bus schedule tells me otherwise. I may say to myself that I will get this column done early, but here I am cramming this thing in while "studying" for midterms.

Since this is my first political column in The Aggie, I thought focusing on a relatively green political figure would make for an appropriate start. And since I want to keep things light, I thought I'd focus on newly-minted Senator Al Franken (D-Minn.), who we all know and love as a former Saturday Night Live cast member.

In evaluating the budget cuts to campus units this week, it became clear the university is doing an adequate job of protecting students from the effects of these cuts.

Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger vetoed over 221 bills two Sundays ago. Among them was Senate Bill 86, which would have banned UC Regents, CSU Trustees and community college leaders from giving executive officers pay increases during bad budget years.

Although The California Aggie published a correction on Tuesday to the article, "Davis debates Measure P Wildhorse Ranch," this correction doesn't give a proper sense of the extent to which my views were mischaracterized and I was misquoted.

On Saturday night, I was wearing a purple women's power suit and a wool turtleneck vest that was much too small, introducing myself as Reverend G.A. Sweetwater.

Hello. How 'bout that ride in? I guess that's why they call it Sin City. Wait, wrong opener.

Editor,

Happy hump day, my fellow Aggies! Now that we're all settled into our classes and gearing up for midterms, I hope to give you some relief from your books (well, at least for the time it takes you to read this column). We'll be delving into the sexual, relational and hopefully comical adventures of my life as a UC Davis senior (wow! When did that happen?). I never really imagined I would be writing a column - let alone a sex-related column for a newspaper that's read by thousands of people everyday - but here I am, excited, and ready!

Greetings Aggie students, staff and random family members I know will stalk my columns via The Aggie website. I imagine most of you are probably wondering who I am and why the heck I deserve to have my own little place in the paper once a week. Well, my dream answer would go something along the lines of me being awesome, how I beat out 3,000 other applicants (one of which was the nephew of the Dalai Lama) and how I dropped out of Olympic pole dancer training JUST to pursue a career at The California Aggie.

The Large Hadron Collider, iPods, Snuggies. Recent years have brought about many glorious inventions. My favorite invention, however, wasn't created by an international team of scientists or a corporation. It was born on the UC Davis campus.

It's clear just by checking Facebook that ASUCD Senate campaigning has begun.