Students discuss their relationships with their parents

While moving away from college means meeting new people and cultivating new friendships and relationships, it may also mean an increasing drift in student’s lives and relationships back from home — particularly relationships with their parents.

“We’re less of an everyday type family, so I don’t end up sharing a lot of the minutiae with him from my day-to-day,” said Alyssa Buchthal, a third-year computer science and communication double major. “I share big news or events with my dad. Whenever I get a big grade back or we’re planning holidays or there’s big family news, that’s when we talk.”

There are also some students who are more closely in touch with their parents.

“I talk to my mom around two to three times a day via call and talk to my dad via text/phone one to three times a week,” said Isabella Sanchez, a second-year materials science engineering major.

There are times when, like in any other relationship, students and parents have disagreements. Different people approach conflict in different ways.

“My dad and I are really good at being logic-minded, even in personal conflict,” Buchthal said. ”If we ever are in a tough spot, we can pretty reliably talk about it and work it out without raised voices or actual fighting.”

Third-year economics major Sarah Ramadhania spoke about avoiding confrontation with her parents to avoid any further complications.

“I’d pretend to agree with them just so that we don’t get into an argument,” Ramadhania said.

Sanchez approaches conflict much like Buchthal — by clearly talking it out with her parents.

“When my parents and I argue, we usually call each other and talk it out instead of holding it in,” Sanchez said. “It’s better to get over things faster than to let it drag out or else it just hangs over us like a cloud.”

Students voiced their opinions on what areas they tend to disagree with their parents about and how they come to a resolution.

“My parents like to push me to pursue a ‘wall-street’ career like working at McKinsey or Goldman but that’s just not what I want,” Ramadhania said. “I want to work in something that blends my passion for economic development and travel. I can’t do the corporate 9-to-5 life.”

Buchthal talked about the differences in political beliefs between her and her father.

“We tend to disagree on some politics,” Buchthal said. “My dad and his fiancé are pretty liberal, but they have a couple extremely conservative political views that don’t mesh well with me and my brother. Thankfully, they’re open-minded people with the right intent, so when we do get into political discussions, they are good at listening to my side and explaining their own. Usually, my brother and I teamed together have enough information on our side to sway them, and thankfully they’re not so close-minded or prideful that they’re unwilling to change their view in the face of facts.”

Romance, a huge part of many college students lives, can be quite a controversial topic when it comes to discussions with parents. Some students are more open when talking about their dating life than others.

“ Definitely not,” Ramadhania said. “It’s not a taboo, but in our family we just don’t talk about it. Mostly because I feel uncomfortable opening up about what’s going on in my love life in fear of judgment and they don’t really bother to ask either.”

In contrast, Buchthal seems to have a more communicative bond with her dad and his fiance.

“My dad and his fiancé are definitely more eager to talk about my love life with me than I am to talk about it with them,” Buchthal said. “They think I’m boring and definitely pressure me to get out there more.”

Students in college may not have the time anymore to spend a significant amount of time with their parents, but they do still have some memories that they fondly reminisce on.

“My dad never missed a single one of my basketball games in high school, no matter what,” Buchthal said. “He works full time, and some of my games were very far away, but he was always there. My team also low-key sucked, so he had to sit through a lot to support me like that, and I’m insanely grateful for it.”

For Ramadhania, it was a memorable birthday celebration.

“Celebrating my 16th birthday at the Sydney Opera House on New Year’s Eve,” Ramadhania said. “Though, I’d like to visit them as often as I can. Maybe take them out to a nice holiday or something as simple as going for a walk in the park.”

Ramadhania talked about what she would do differently to maintain her relationship with her parents if she could go back in time.

“I’d like to be more respectful towards them,” Ramadhania said. “I remember always feeling like they were against me, even though that probably wasn’t the case.”

Finally, even though a parent-child (especially as a college student) relationship is surely complex and challenging for students to maintain in a healthy manner, they highlight the dilemma that a lot of students go through: at the end of the day, they understand that parents are also humans, and hence, make mistakes.

“Over the years I’ve learned that my parents aren’t perfect,” Ramadhania said. “They’re human. They make mistakes. And a part of growing up is learning to understand and accept them for who they are.”

Buchthal talked about the complexity of familial relationships.

“Things aren’t always easy with family, but I think it’s important to remember that — almost always — people are just trying to do their best, and being patient and kind with people is the best way to weather any storm,” Buchthal said. “Even parents aren’t perfect.”

Written by: Rabiya Oberoi — features@theaggie.org

Students talk about how they stay organized during their college life

College students have a number of obligations to keep track of, and students have various ways of staying on schedule. Keeping track of academic and personal responsibilities takes many forms — meal planning, scheduling around work and using a planner are just a few of these.

As a Resident Advisor (RA), third-year animal science major Isis Vasquez has multiple responsibilities, including conducting facility checks and occupancy reports, being on call at least once a week and scheduling events for her floor and building. For her, there are multiple parts of her day-to-day life that she likes to keep track of, and she has a three-pronged system. She uses a wall calendar for her RA duties, midterms and long term assignments. She combines this with a Google calendar that contains important dates for all the RAs and a planner that she describes as her most important organizational tool.

Vasquez says that organization is all about choosing to stay on top of things, but she understands that some students may have difficulty with it when in college. She credits the AVID program she was part of in her high school for her organizational skills. She learned note-taking skills and the importance of using a planner properly, which she cites as a critical part of succeeding in college.

“You can’t tell anyone how to [organize], it has to come from [themselves],” Vasquez said. “You can give them all the resources, it’s whether or not they’re going to apply them.”

Meal-planning is another critical part of a weekly routine for third-year computer science major Abhay Sawhney and many other students who do not have a meal plan with the Dining Commons. Sawhney bases his diet almost exclusively on his workouts.

“Earlier, I would work out and head to the DC and eat until I couldn’t eat anymore,” Sawhney said. “Now, I kind of do the same thing. I’ll go to the gym and then I’ll take a box of chicken from the fridge and zap it in the microwave.”

On Sundays, Sawhney purchases chicken or beef, which he then cooks, three pounds at a time with different spices for different batches. He stores half in the fridge for the first three days of the week and stores the other half in the freezer for the rest of the week. With internships and school obligations, he stays on track with his Google calendar.

“I let the Google calendar take care of everything,” Sawhney said. “Whenever something important comes up, I’ll just put it on my calendar. Generally when my calendar is filled up, I don’t have to think about what I’m doing because it’s telling me what to do at any hour of the day.”

Second-year biopsychology major Lillian Wu also has to meal plan, she shops for groceries on Sundays. She tries to cook meals that are relatively simple — this is the first year she is cooking for herself, and she tries to create well-rounded meals with sufficient carbs, protein and vegetables.

“It was kind of hard to learn cooking at first,” Wu said. “A lot of it I’m still learning. There’s a lot of easy recipes online, and cooking is a lot easier than people say it is — and a lot cheaper than eating out.”

Wu had a seven-day meal plan during the fall of her first year, but then a five-day meal plan in the winter and spring. With that, she ended up eating out, and therefore spending, a lot more. With the meal planning that she has started this year, she feels that she’s more organized.

“It’s given me structure to my life,” Wu said. “I plan my day very thoroughly as opposed to last year where I kind of went, ‘I’ll just come back and eat at the dining hall whenever I’m free.’”

Another obligation that many students have to plan around is having a job. While some jobs have strict hours, first-year sustainable agriculture and food systems major Christian Morgan’s job as a student lab assistant allows her flexibility, which she sees as a benefit, especially in terms of scheduling classes. This quarter, Morgan tends to work in the morning when she’d otherwise be sleeping in, as she says it’s the best use of time that would otherwise not be spent doing anything useful.

“I schedule my classes first and then I look for the gaps in that space and then I’ll do the job,” Morgan said. “It’s an internship with the school. They’re very flexible, so I come in when I can and whatever free time I have, I go to work.”

As an RA, Vasquez has had some of her residents ask her for help with time management and organization; when they come to her, she shows them her system.

“I’ll show them my stuff and then they’re like, ‘Oh wow that’s so nice, I can’t do that,’” Vasquez said. “I’m like, you can, but [organization]’s a choice if you want to  … It’s hard, but it feels good.”

Written by:  ANJINI VENUGOPAL — features@theaggie.org